Happy Wedding (or... what do you say?)
Congratulations to Natasha and Marty!

And "Happy New Year!" to all of you from all of... um...
me at alpha charlie bravo

"You there, boy! What day is it today?"

And so then, why are you here, looking at this page when I have told you that this blog is on hiatus, hmm?

alpha charlie bravo will be on hiatus for the remainder of 2004.
Have a euphoric Holiday season and thanks for stopping by.

TGI-America: The fact that today is Friday means little when one has to work on Saturday.
...Or when one is unemployed.

What happens when one thing you despise collides with something you love? I happened upon the 3am rebroadcast of the Tonight Show, which I loathe, while the greatest band in the world: Alison Krauss + Union Station was performing. It caused some cognitive dissonance for me to see this musical institution I adore on a show I hate. Apparently, they did two performances on Wednesday and Thursday of last week. Now, usually the musical acts on the Tonight Show are pop de rigueur aren't they? I think the show is playing mind games with me.

There really is something about this time of year that compels me to shop. Although, it seems I'm really only interested in shopping for myself: I bought two pairs of shoes and a sweater, and there's a jacket coming through the mail.
I love the holidays!

(Shoes seem to be very important to me. I think when I started to develop a semblance of a personal clothing style, it began with shoes. Once I found the right pair of shoes, everything else followed. I discovered I needed to acquire clothes that justified the shoes. Such is my "epistemology of fashion." But, perhaps I simply have a peculiar relationship with one kind of apparel.)

I discovered, after I bought the sweater, that my mom was planning to give me the same sweater for Christmas. So I think I should subjugate my navel gazing for a bit and focus on others.

This seems like a good time for one of those blog queries that begs for audience participation. You know, the kind where the blogger puts the burden of content creation on the reader. So what do you want for Christmas? And what is your epistemology of fashion?

Hey, I've got a VIP pass to Chromium! Who wants to go clubbing?!

Dan Rather's back is against the wall, his shirt tails are on fire and the bill collectors are at the door.

Ow. My head hurts.

On the plus side, I have managed to bring my computer back from bizarro world. It turns out there is a keyboard command in Mac OSX that turns white to black on the display. Knowing this now, I have a mischeivous urge to venture to the Apple Store and transform every computer desktop I can touch into a negative image of itself.

It would be really interesting if the staff there didn't know how to fix the problem.

The problem with an overcast sky is that I wake up at noon, but because it's dark, I think it's 6am.

Hi-ho, Hi-ho.

I paid $1.88 per gallon for gas last night. Oh Condi, Condi.
I downloaded Brian Wilson presents the Wondermints help Brian Wilson record a cover version of a record he made forty years ago that was never released as a complete album called Smile, from iTunes. Well, I understand now why it was never released. So I was listening to this and I fell asleep too close to the computer keyboard. I don't remember anything about the dream I had except that it had fully developed fictional characters and a plot which made my conscious mind envious of my subconscious mind's literary prowess. Not only that, but I also discovered that my computer display had become a photo negative. Everything is inside-out. Black is white, day is night. I don't know how this happened, but I suspect the keyboard was subject to a somnolent leaning-on. I haven't been able to fix the problem, so I'm declaring today opposite day.
At least until my blinking white cursor turns black again.

Alright. So I had to sit through a 2 hour "business" meeting wherein we congratulated ourselves on 3rd quarter results. But, of course, there's always room for improvement. To this end, one of the speakers imparted this pearl of corporate wisdom:

"Ignorance is half the battle."

That's right boys and girls. Once you have acheived ignorance, you're halfway to victory!

Damn!
France just destroyed my air force.

I should probably write something here...
I have about a half dozen intended emails I haven't sent out to people, so not only am I neglecting the imaginary general public on this blog, but I'm also neglecting my personal relationships, which is what I do.

Well, there's been a lot of incoherent babbling on this page the past week so let me put myself into perspective:
There are, as far as I am able to discern, only three reasons someone would disagree with my point of view on matters of public policy.

1) A person is misinformed, uninformed or prejudiced.
2) A person has goals for public policy that are in conflict with my desired outcome for society.
3) A person shares the same goals, but has disagreement about how to achieve those goals.

Of those three, I believe the category that includes the smallest number of people is 2. I am somewhat less certain of this given the events of last week, but I still suspect that most of us share common goals as individuals and by extension as a polity.

So, what I would like to do is engage in a dialogue with those who disagree with my positions on public policy. This is probably not the best place to engage in this kind of discourse, so other methods can be found.

"There are two colours in my head, there are two colours in my head."

Fear and Trembling

Here's an article

Here's another article

And one more

So, 59 million people see G.W. as a "Knight of Faith?"

Uh-oh.

Hail to the Thief

Let's go Blue States! (clap clap clapclapclap)
Let's go Blue States! (clap clap clapclapclap)

What, no "Midway Bowl" today?

I took my car in for some much needed vehicle maintenance. During the intervening period I slipped into a movie theater and caught a screening of (Fuck Yeah!) Team America: World Police. Now, I realize that I've given this more thought than it merits, but this is a deliberately political satire without a political point. After some careful study of the issue I have concludeddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd...

Huh?
What?

Oh, Hi! I must apologize. Apparently I fell asleep shortly after beginning this post around 4 am. You know, this is about the third time this week I've begun a post and not actually completed it. Most of the time it happens when I'm seeking deeper knowledge about the subject I'm writing about, or searching for a link or an image. I start googling around, looking at websites, reading randomly about the end of the world or locked in a maze of tangential links at Wikipedia and somewhere along the way, blogging gets fuzzy.
Maybe I should stick to the one and two line posts.

Who's your daddy?

Maureen Dowd is sexy.
Thomas Friedman is sexier.

While I was driving to work yesterday, I heard a segment on NPR's All Things Considered about a new recording of Schubert's Winterreise and they played snippets of the music. Every once and a while, when I hear something that is new to me, I have this quasi-transcendant experience wherein I become transfixed by the music. This happened to me while I was listening to the segment, but I had no idea what I was listening to. I arrived in the middle of the program and I couldn't decipher the german names so that they would be personally memorable.

When I got home I looked up the ATC website, listened to the segment online, acquired the proper names and headed for iTunes. There are 24 tracks on Ian Bostridge and Leif Ove Andsnes' recording of Winterreise, but iTunes only offers them individually, not as an album. Which would mean I would have to pay $0.99 x 24 if I wanted the entire song cycle rather than the $14.99 I would pay for the cd.

If there had been somewhere I could have gone at 12:30am to buy the cd, I would have gone there. I downloaded two of the songs from the album: "Wasserflut" and "Der Leiermann" because I would not have been able to survive another 12 hours without them. I have listened to them repeatedly and now I'm feeling much better. I can even put off buying the cd for another day.

I need something to do with my day besides go to work: It only takes up a quarter of the day and yet nothing else can be accomplished. Also, production goals suck.

And now, let us engage in a meaningful debate on the pertinent political issues of our day:

"You're a liberal!"
"You know Ted Kennedy!"

Rebuttal?

Christopher Columbus is a terrorist.

I know that if I open these cookies, I'm going to eat them all.
So, do I open them? Do I feel lucky, punk? Well, do I?

I hesitate to post this, because I don't believe that it's public knowledge, but I have an inside source that tells me a group of people involved in a labor dispute with a downtown hotel are planning to protest outside the hotel on Saturday night with the intention of making sufficient noise to disturb the marathoners staying there.

Hey get me, I'm Drudge.

"It's good to be king and have your own [website]."

The fact that I'm linking another article demonstrates that there is a whole in my world that should be filled by alpha charlie bravo news.

U.S. asks Israel to clarify comments made by top PM aide

In lieu of actual blog content, you may read this:

Baghdad Year Zero: Pillaging Iraq in pursuit of a neo-con utopia

+ =

Gambling is fun!
I watched a man lose $300 on one hand of blackjack.
I watched Laz win $100 on a single bet.
I saw a man sing karaoke in an empty casino bar.
Viva NW Indiana!

Also, The Green Mill is cool. I don't know why I don't go there more often. And it acheives a hypercool when Kurt Elling is there.

So, I'm thoroughly looking forward to the Presidential Debate tonight. Although, maybe it would be a better debate if the two candidates who have ideas, principles and real knowledge of the world at large. Oh, well. Elections are just for fun, right?

Speaking of people who have shows and don't desrve them: I am hearby launching my campaign to take over NBC's Late NIght in 2009.

Why does Tony Danza have a talk show?

The War on Terrorism is in full effect: Cat Stevens, we don't want your brand of plaintive 70's pop music, here anymore. Go back to Araby with your terrorist friends. W'04, baby! Woo!

I only know Cat Stevens from two songs on the Rushmore soundtrack, so don't listen to this song, or the terrorists win.

I'm going to steal this and make it my new corporate logo:

"Simply stated, Mission Of Burma were, and remain, one of the most important American rock bands of the last 20 years."

That's from their website so you know it's true.

...

I've got nothing.

Indonesia held its first ever direct presidential elections Sunday, but I'm not getting my hopes up. I've been let down too many times by Indonesian presidents.

Just look at this group:

Megawati Soekarnoputri

Abdurrahman Wahid

Baharuddin Jusuf Habibie

Incompetent failures all!

"Optimism is a mania for saying all is well when one is in hell"
-Voltaire

"I'm an optimist."
-George W. Bush

I've never been to New Orleans. A year ago I heard an NPR piece on New Orleans and the feat of mechanical engineering required to keep the city, which is below sea level, from being flooded on a daily basis. It was said to be likely that one day a large storm would hit the coast of Louisiana and leave the city unlivable. I remember thinking, "I'd better visit New Orleans before it's under water."

I seem to be so accustomed to the power of human intervention, that I'm practically incredulous that the weather could be so dsruptive to our most advanced civilization.

You know, boys and girls, the world of alpha charlie bravo is not always a utopian paradise, but one of the things that currently makes the world a bit brighter for me, is the unfolding debacle that is the Chicago Cubs.

Assault Weapons Ban to Expire

"I think the will of the American people is consistent with letting it expire, and so it will expire," Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, a Tennessee Republican, told reporters.

Thanks, America!
Now I know what I want for Christmas!

"The assault weapons are coming, they're coming next week," warned Sarah Brady.

Yipee!

Cheney Warns of Terror Risk if Kerry Wins:

"It's absolutely essential that eight weeks from today, on Nov. 2, we make the right choice,' Mr. Cheney told a crowd of 350 people in Des Moines, 'because if we make the wrong choice then the danger is that we'll get hit again and we'll be hit in a way that will be devastating from the standpoint of the United States."
Um... is that a threat, Mr. Vice President?

In other news, I'm an entrepreneur bitch!
If you clicky on the link on the right, being held down by Steve Earle, and you buy something from iTunes, I'm supposed to get a 5% comission. And you don't have to buy The Revolution Starts Now, you can get whatever you want. Buy a song and I get, like, 5 cents.

But, if you do buy The Revolution Starts Now, I won't seem quite so insane if you spot me dancing and singing: "Oh Condi, Condi; Oh Condi, Condi."

In honor of Jerry Lewis and his Labor Day Telethon, I give you his greatest cinematic achievement: The Day the Clown Cried.

Harry Shearer, one of the few people in the world to have ever seen the film, had this to say,

"With most of these kinds of things, you find that the anticipation, or the concept, is better than the thing itself. But seeing this film was really awe-inspiring, in that you are rarely in the presense of a perfect object. This was a perfect object.

This movie is so drastically wrong, its pathos and its comedy are so wildly misplaced, that you could not, in your fantasy of what it might be like, improve on what it really is. Oh My God! - that's all you can say."

I have three questions for you. The categories are: Sports, Miscellany and Philosophy.

1. Where the hell is the kicking game?

2. Barbara or Jenna?


3. Are you Free?
Keep in mind that's a philosophical question, not a political one. I don't want to hear about how you're oppressed by the State. I want to know if you have free will.

Finally, it has come to the South Side!


14. Chipotle - Beverly
2310 W. 95th Street
Chicago, IL 60643

It also happens to be between a Bank One branch that is under construction and the Borders Books where I acquire nearly all of the coffee I consume in life.
I fit squarely into the category of excited.

I can't believe that Mark Burnett or someone of his ilk doesn't have Tv cameras documenting every move of Alan Keyes and his special crusade to rescue the people of Illinois. At every turn, from his temporary 2-flat in Cal City, to the RNC in New York, the man is obviously a reality Tv star in waiting. There is never a dull moment or dead air when a camera or microphone is near him. All that is missing are those candid cofessionals, those introspective moments when the subject faces the camera one on one and reveals his inner self. Although, I suspect that with Mr. Keyes there is little more to be revealed. There does not seem to be a border between his interior world and the world at large.

I was driving home the other day when I spotted something that caused me to thrust my arms upward into the air and exclaim joyously. Finally, the day has arrived. I'm very excited.

Four more months! Four more months!

I got to watch some of the RNC last night.
I can never think about politics without considering philosophy, which makes it difficult to talk about politics. I firmly believe that we need more philosophy in the world. Not more philosophers, I'm not advocating a Platonic Republic of philosopher kings, but better thought; better processes.

For example, what percentage of people (let's say Americans) do you think believe as a matter of principle that taking the life of another human being is morally wrong?

I suspect that most people would view their own personal ethical systems as being absolute--either Deontologically or Divinity based. They would say that they know the difference between right and wrong. They would say that right is always right, wrong is always wrong and there is a clear difference between the two. That's what they think they believe. But in fact, most people are Egoists or at best Utilitarians, whose view of right and wrong is pliable depending on cirumstance or individual interests.

Really, I don't even think most people would engage in the kind of intellectual rigor that Utilitarianism requires, so most people are essentially moral hypocrites.

Now, it doesn't concern me too much what people do, that is, how they behave. What I'm concerned with is how they think. But, if you're a Utilitarian or a willful Egoist and that's your normative approach to the world, that's fine.

I'm opposed to the death penalty. If someone asks me why, I don't respond with a moral argument. I don't say "because it is wrong to take the life of a human being," because people don't really believe that--it won't make a convincing argument. If you believe it is morally wrong to commit murder and morally acceptable to execute the murderer, you are operating under a different set of moral principles than I am. You're probably operating under a different ethical system, which is fine.

What troubles me are the people who behave like Egoists, think like Utilitarians and talk like Divine Commandists.
That is what I find so disheartening about our political discourse. There are so many people who hold political beliefs that do not seem to be deduced from the moral principles they would claim to espouse.

You know the Olympics are coming to an end when Synchronized Swimming and Rhythmic Gymnastics are on the broadcast schedule. I guess NBC finally ran out of Beach Volleyball matches. Which is good, because I don't want any more reinforcement for my irrational infatuation with Kerri Walsh. Although, I still wish I were taller.

By the way, Friday was "Founder's Day."
On August 27, 1907 Jim Casey and his brother George launched an elaborate conspiracy to ruin my life.

Speaking of which, I'm required to take some days off of work in the coming weeks. Part of the reason I haven't taken what are apparently my "required" off days is that I don't really have anything to do. So feel free to suggest or even schedule some activities for me. I could actually take an entire week off. Maybe I'll take a surprise excursion somewhere.

Alright, while the Olympics were on Tv the other day, I was jarred back to consciousness by the surprising sound of a familiar song. There's a VW Taureg Tv ad (which I could not find online) that uses the song "Ariel Ramirez" by Richard Buckner as its audio backdrop. This was a strange experience for me because I don't think I've ever heard a Richard Buckner song anywhere except coming out of my own speakers (the guy doesn't even have a record deal anymore).

And so I've come to realize that I despise NBC's Olympic coverage. That sour Tv aftertate is part of what makes the Olympics less of a tasty treat. But the positives for Olympic coverage are that it's on at 3am and the it's sports. I like having sports on Tv, because genearally I can decide what degree of engagement my viewing will have. A sitcom or a drama has to be focused on for the right effect to be acheived. But, sports can be ignored without losing the plot. The same is true with news. I could have CNN or even better C-Span on Tv all day. It would always be there, yet I would never have to actually watch it.

What? I have a blog?

Why didn't anyone tell me?

Olympics, baby! Booyah!

Oh wait, I don't care.

I got this bumper sticker in the mail yesterday:


Along with a letter thanking me for my support of the Republican Party and asking me to donate $1000 to the RNC. I also received, in a separate mailing on the same day, a Republican polling questionnaire. This is not the first time I've received correspondence from the RNC. I've never donated money to any party or candidate, so I wonder how this has happened. It's possible that I may be registered to vote as a Republican, I really don't know. Whatever the cause I don't want it to stop. I find this to be thoroughly amusing. I might even donate some money if that is what it takes to keep me in the loop.

Now, I have to find a place for my W'04 sticker.

"I'm dead, bitch!"

I always hate the way rain looks in movies because it has no subtlety, no variation. It's always a downpour that doesn't relent. So I must have been driving through a movie shoot last night with people throwing buckets of water onto my windshield.

I was assigned to a new work area on Monday.
The result:
Monday - 194
Tuesday - 280

It only took me one day to turn the place around.
Although credit is probably due more to this company and their customers than to my operational skills.

Also, this article is an example of how supply side economics doesn't do so effectively what it's proponents claim it does.

I have not participated in the political discourse taking place this week in the local blog community, partly because I have been unable to provide a comprehensive outline of my political views.

But, I will say this:
John Edwards says "hope is on the way." Well, if we hope to change our country, if we hope to change the world, (and we must for our survival now clearly depends on it) that hope for change cannot be embodied by any man or woman that has or ever will come to the podium at a party convention. Whatever progress in human history that has made our world less vulgar, less cruel; that has subdued iniquity or expanded opportunity, has only come about through the constant and difficult struggle for freedom. If we have become more civilized it is not because civilization was bestowed upon us by a sovereign power. It is because we have demanded justice and equity wherever these fundamental human values have been absent.

When the government does not speak in harmony with your voice, it is necessary to vote for change, but this is not sufficient. Government is a war against the people. Democracy is our strongest weapon in this war and our only hope. But, the struggle does not end in the voting booth, it only begins anew.

This picture relates to this article, but feel free to create your own impressions of the scene.

"PARIS -- Lance Armstrong raced onto the crowd-lined Champs-Elysees as a yellow blur, bathed in the light of a 24-carat, gold-leaf bike, a golden helmet and the race leader's yellow jersey."

A gold bike and a golden helmet? That's a bit ostentatious, isn't it?

"The ride into Paris and its famous boulevard was a lap of honor Armstrong savored with champagne."

Drinking and biking? Isn't that a bit dangerous, not to mention perhaps slightly pompous?

"Taking advantage of the leisurely pace of the final stage, Armstrong sat up in the saddle and held up all five fingers on his black-gloved right hand and the index finger on his left.

'I was surprised that some of the rivals were not better. Some of them just completely disappeared,' Armstrong said."

Well, it's nice to see that Lance has remained humble through all of this.

Alright, so the aforementioned schema, in brief, is as follows:

The fact that the legal status of marriage can be extended or denied to some relationship forms and not others means that the legal status of marriage is inherently arbitrary in its application.

As soon as you have the debate about whether to extend legal marriage status to non-heterosexual couples, you are forced to confront the fact that this status is arbitrary. Some people think you can unring that bell by arbitrarily limiting that legal status rather than arbitrarily extending it. Maybe they're right, but I don't believe it will happen.

Now you can either take the position that it is acceptable for government to enact laws that arbitrarily extend or restrict legality to certain conditions and not others, or you can believe as a matter of principle that the law should not be applied arbitrarily.

If you take the latter position, then the government can have no role in conferring legal status on the relationships of individuals. (I'm not raising the issue of the legal and financial rights of spouses here because it seems the gay marriage debate is distinct from the issue of those rights which can be conferred through other legal structures.)

Clearly, marriage is more than just a legal institution, but its social significance is buttressed by the authority of the state. If the state is forced to cede that authority, the significance of marriage in society would slowly decline.
(I have no opinion as to whether a decline in the significance of marriage would be a favorable or unfavorable outcome.)

It is unlikely that the state will simply give up its relationship ratifying authority. However, that authority will always be arbitrary and any arbitrary application of authority loses legitimacy over time.

I thought John Kerry could use a little political advice. Here's the problem: what do you say about the situation in Iraq besides the war should not have happened? How do you articulate a policy going forward that is distinctly different from what is now taking place? I don't think you can. I don't think that, at this point, there is a reasonable alternative to the present situation.

So what do you say? Well, you say there aren't many good alternatives to the present situation which is difficult and dangerous, but the policies that led to this war could lead us again into another unnecessary and dangerous conflict. You come out against the policy of preemptive war and make it a central foreign policy issue.

And then I read this:

"Democratic candidate John Kerry said in Washington on Friday he would be willing to launch a preemptive strike against terrorists if he had adequate intelligence of a threat.
Kerry offered some support for one of the most controversial aspects of Bush's national security policy"


Well, so much for my advice. What is he going to say now, "If I had been President, I would have had better intelligence?"

I think I may have worked out a schema whereby Gay marriage "damages" the institution of marriage. Maybe it is something that opponents have envisioned that proponents have not considered. I will share that with you when I acquire an opportunity.

I have a John Kerry hunk, too. Which would you prefer to see addressed here tomorrow? Gay marriage or John Kerry?

If we have a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, I'm leaving the country.
The government should just admit that it has no real role in ratifying individual relationships.

I don't have cable, which is mostly fine with me because I don't watch much Tv anyway, but I do subsist on streaming video clips of The Daily Show.
Perhaps you have already seen this clip. It appeared two years ago, but I've only just discovered it and I find it to be extraordinary.

There's some sort of NASCAR race going on Joliet at the "Chicagoland Motor Speedway." The NASCAR people like to pretend the event is in Chicago, even though Joliet is 45 miles away.

I always thought it was a bit of an unspoken secret that people watch NASCAR not because they like to see cars go around in circles, but because of the prospect of a potentially lethal crash. I imagine Dale Earnhardt brought more people to the 'sport' by dying than through any of his competitive accomplishments. But I did hear a commentator last week say "The fans like to see the big crashes." They may pretend they're in Chicago, but maybe they don't deny auto racing is part death sport.

I don't really know anything about NASCAR and I don't care, but if I ever, Ganesh forbid, get involved in a technical discussion on the subject, I'll just say the words "restrictor plate" and I'll sound like I know what I'm talking about.

alpha charlie bravo news is freshly updated with some good stuff.

I just realized that I've read this book, and I don't remember a damn thing about it. If you know what it's about, please tell me; and tell me if it's any good or not.

On my way home last night, I was thinking about stopping for some fast food, which I probably wouldn't have done it if there hadn't been a frieght train in my path a block away from a White Castle. So I pulled into the White Castle "drive-thru" since my progress had been stopped anyway. (Why is it "drive-thru" not 'through"? Does 'through' not fit on the sign? Why is Wendy's open "late at nite" and not at 'night'? What's going on with this cutesy illiteracy?)

I made my order, pulled around and waited, and waited. Did I mention I waited. I was thouroughly engaged in the process of waiting. I did not look at the clock, but I waited so long I started to think it might be a heroic act to warn the cars pulling up behind me to get out and save themselves while they had the chance.

Some "drive-thrus" are constructed in a way that physically traps the vehicle into the queue, but this one provided an avenue of escape if I chose to take it. I had not yet paid, so there was nothing preventing me from simply leaving the "drive-thru" and resuming my life.

I believe the purpose of the "drive-thru" is to provide the customer with fast and convenient service. It is not simply intended for people who are too damn lazy to get out of their cars. In this way, White Castle had broken their contract with me. I no longer held any obligation toward the restaurant. But I did not leave.

So would I have been breaking some sort of social convention by getting out? Would I have suddenly veered out of line with social norms and onto a path of deviance?

I suspect that, purely by accident, I'm developing a particular useless talent.
So to find out, let's play a game:

Give me a zip code and I'll name the State where that zip code can be found.
For example, you say "90210" I say "California."

It's nice to see that Saddam kept the beard. I think it's a good look for him in this stage of his career. Although he does look a bit like the 'before' picture in the "Just For Men Beard and Moustache" ad.

Sovereign Iraq! Sovereign Iraq!
It's like Christmas coming on December 23!

As part of the transfer of sovereignty, every member of Iraq's new government receives a Kevlar vest and a copy of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Representative Democracy.

I was listening to the BBC at around 1:00 or 2:00 AM when the story broke and the transfer became official. They said that the U.S. had transferred the "documents of sovereignty." First, I thought "documents of sovereignty" sounded like a very Monty Pythonesque phrase. Second, I imagined that what really happened was Paul Bremer placed a paper bag on Iraq's porch, set it ablaze, rang the doorbell and ran away: Ding dong "Here's your sovereignty Mr. Alawi."

But I'm sure Iyad Allawi, et. al. will be happy to step in it for their country.

Where the hell have I been?

Bill Clinton has some sort of Jedi mind trick that he does when a camera is in front of him. he certainly seems to think of himself as one of the great presidents of the twentieth century and he seems to have the ability to project that thought into your mind. It actually takes a bit of concentration to dispel it. I wonder if he ever took Hillary to a sex club?

The "acb news" site is not dead. It will return at some point. And I've got to put something up on the "vote acb" site because it's time to get this campaign started. I think I can beat Nader.

You may be aware that Borders has a promotion wherein if you buy 3 DVD's you get a fourth for free. Perhaps it's time once again to clear out some inventory. Well, I wandered into a Borders over the weekend (mainly for the coffee) and discovered, set before me on display, a DVD I had been waiting for the arrival of: "The Fog of War."

Naturally, it occurred to me that I could get "The Fog of War" for free if only I bought three other DVD's. The difficulty was that "Fog" at $23.99 was a premium priced item. (Why this is the case, I don't know. Probably just to take advantage of my enthusiasm over the release.) So, in order to get it for free, I had to buy items of the same or greater value: Akira Kurasawa's "Ran" The Masterworks Edition, "Unforgiven" Special Edition and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" Special Edition. And so I succeeded in getting "The Fog of War" for free, and helping Borders clear out some inventory.

And now for some incoherent rambling:

I think the first time I saw "Unforgiven" I was in Champaign-Urbana and the movie was being shown on laser disc. (Remember laser discs? They were the size of vinyl records.) Someone said then that he had never met a woman who liked that movie. I'm always dubious of such claims, but the women in attendance were entirely disinterested.

Anyway, you should see "The Fog of War." And see "Ran" if you haven't. Hey, who doesn't love a 2 1/2 hr Japanese feudal epic?

(More discussion on "The Fog of War" at some later point.)

It's a slow news day.
Besides, it's a national day of mourning and I'm too busy weeping. Reagan is spending a lot of time on airplanes this week; traveling from California to Washington and back again. Maybe they should keep his body in the air at all times on that Air Force 747, forever flying heroically over the beloved country. Every time it flies overhead people will salute and say, "there goes the step-father of our country." Maybe they could even equip the plane with space lasers to fight communists. Would that be too much of a burden on the federal budget? Wait, who cares! Deficits don't matter!

And now Great Blind Musicians in American History:


Ray Charles



Stevland Morris



Marcus Roberts



Blind Tom Wiggins

I don't know how long I will keep this up, but it exists for today:

Alpha Charlie Bravo News

At last my Presidential cabinet selections have been made. It's a good group, I think. But, there are still some positions open so send in your resume.

View the newly selected members of my imaginary administration here.

According to Blogger, the following unnecessarily long anecdote is the 200th post on this blog. In your face, D-Day Anniversary!

So this is what happened:
On Friday night I came home from work, got my hair braided, stayed up a little late to watch the rebroadcast of Chicago Tonight to confirm that Garry Meier is indeed insane and I fell asleep at around 2 am.

Three and a half hours later I woke up, showered, dressed, and headed out the door. Where the hell was I going so early on a Saturday?

24 hours prior I learned that the AFL Chicago Rush were holding a competition to find one person to sing the National Anthem before yesterday's quarterfinal playoff game at the Allstate Arena. The contest would be 8:00 AM at the arena. Each contestant would receive two complimentary tickets to Sunday's game. Friday was the last day to register for the contest, so after testing myself with a few vocal exercises, I called and had my name put on the list. I was told that "about fifty people had signed up" and I figured I would have a pretty good shot against a sample of fifty.

As I drove I tried to rouse my voice, which was not nearly ready at 6:45 in the morning for the task that lay ahead of it. I was interrupted by the vehicle's omni-tones. You know, the tones that tell me my seat belt isn't on or that the door is open while the keys are in the ignition. The tones sounded and a corresponding light began flashing on the dash. Now, I'm sure I had read previously in the vehicle owner's manual what the significance of that flashing light is and what to do if it occurs. But I figured the light was fair warning and I had a day or two to fix the problem. I gave some consideration as to where I would take my car on Monday morning to have it looked at and I drove on.

On the Dan Ryan, to I90 and exit to Mannheim Rd. I was surprised not to see an Allstate Arena directional sign at the exit, but I had no reason to doubt the directions so I was unconcerned. I had never been to the arena, but the directions could not be simpler. The venue itself was on Mannheim so I just had to drive until I encountered it.

I never once saw a sign pointing the way to the arena and as I began to get further away from the expressway exit that brought me into Rosemont, I wondered if I had ventured too far. I stopped at a red light and looked around a bit. The light turned green. I pressed on the gas pedal and nothing happened.

So there I was in the middle of Mannheim Rd, impeccably dressed, I might add, pushing my car into the parking lot of a Mexican grocery store that was too small and underdeveloped to deserve Supermercado status.

Street signs were clearly visible, so I knew where I was in an empirical sense. I thought that if I knew where the arena was and if it was close enough to walk, I could leave the car, have my chance to audition and come back for the vehicle later. But, I knew where I was only in an empirical sense. So I called my insurance company, requested a tow and waited.

About an hour and a half later, tow truck driver Mike came around and loaded my car onto the bed of his truck. The diagnosis was simple and Mike called ahead to a repair center to see if they could take my car right away. The alternator had gone Ronald Reagan on me and I had driven about 30 miles before the car finally gave out.

About three miles away in Des Plaines was a Marathon service station with an auto repair facility attached. The cashier offered me a free newspaper and a folding chair seat beside the cold beverage case. Now, this was a very sweatpants and t-shirt neighborhood and I was noticeably overdressed for the area. (I might also mention that there was nary a Negro in sight). So as I looked over the newspapers and glanced at the beverage case, I resisted my initial impulse to pick up the New York Times and grab a Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino from the case so as not to add to the "stranger in a strange land" dynamic that was already apparent.

The mechanic Gary confirmed that the alternator was the problem and that it would take a few hours for him to charge the battery and replace the alternator. Next door to the marathon station was a Jay's Italian Beef. So I walked over there to kill some time.

I ordered a broiled chicken sandwich with fries and a lemonade. I sat for a long time in the empty restaurant reading the Sunday Sun-Times and swirling the crushed ice around in my cup. When the lunchtime crowd started to come in I decided to leave. My car was still being worked on so I went across the street to Walgreens. I wandered aimlessly around the store for awhile. I bought a Duncan Butterfly yo-yo and walked out to the bus shelter in front of the store. I stayed there for a little while, trying to operate the yo-yo and pacing the shaded confines of the shelter.

When I walked back across the street to the service station, my car was ready. I thanked Gary, paid the cashier, said my goodbyes and drove away. I had no trouble finding my way back to the spot where I had been stranded. I drove down Mannheim toward the expressway and I noticed a modest blue sign that read: Allstate Arena Parking. For the first time I saw the arena and I would describe it as a modern looking but rather unimpressive building. From my point of view, it could have been just another suburban office building. The Target store next to it was more prominent.

I had, of course, proceeded right past it earlier. In fact, if I had discovered it originally, I would have made it into the parking lot in time for the National Anthem contest. Instead of being towed from the lot of a second rate Mercado, I could have been towed from the Allstate Arena following a triumphant rendition of the Star Spangled Banner at midfield.

The red star indicates where my car stopped



Notice the Allstate Arena: the yellow triangle at the bottom of the map

I can't count.
I had 11 employees working for me. We decided to cut to 8. I allowed 4 people to go home. Subsequently, I was wondering why we were shorthanded all night.

It's funny that this article appears in the NY Times today, since in about four hours I'll be driving up to Rosemont for this. I hope no one cheats. I'm going to use B flat and I believe anyone who doesn't should be immediately disqualified.

Well, it's about damned time.

Alright this is thouroughly troubling. I check my email and I see one of those "Undelivered Mail" notifications. Which was strange, because I haven't sent any email from this address in at least a week. Here is the message:

Date: Wed, 02 Jun 2004 14:09:35 +0100
From: "Some Person Who Isn't Me" [myemailaddress.com]
To: "Some guy" [hisemailaddress]
Subject: How would you like PERMANANT penis growth
Date: Wed, 02 Jun 2004 11:16:35 -0200

You've heard about these pills on TV, in the news, and online and have probably asked yourself, "Do they really work?" The answer is YES! [Product Name} is a powerful erection enhancing product that will create erections so strong and full that over time your penis will
actually grow as a direct result! If you would like a more satisfying sex life then [product name] is for you!
Get it now

Let's all say it together: WTF?

Someone has used my email address to send erection spam throughout the cosmos to Vishnu knows how many people. I feel dirty. And not in the least bit erect. I want to contact Yahoo! to make them aware of the situation and begin a process of remedy, but I can't even find an email address at which I can get in touch with them. Siva forbid my only hope is that some Yahoo! administrator feels he needs erectile enhancement and contacts me looking for help.

John Kerry has yet to pick a running mate, but there's already been some speculation as to whom he might select for cabinet positions. So my question is: if you were elected President, who would be in your cabinet? The only rule is that you cannot select anyone deceased. I'd like to have Saul Alinsky as my Labor Secretary, but it ain't gonna happen.

Go ahead, take your time. Use this as a guide if you need to. Choose as many or as few positions as you like. And non-cabinet level positions are open too.

I need your help.

Here is a punchline:

"If you believe that, Ahmad Chalabi is on the phone and he has a war plan he wants to sell you."

I need help coming up with the set-up to make that a complete joke.

And also:

Please people, don't blame the Jews

Avert your eyes! Avert your eyes!

CBS Promo:

"It's the most talked about show of the year: Joan of Arcadia. Millions tune in to hear Joan talk to God. But what happens when God stops talking?"

Whoa.

Looks like the medication finally kicked in.

I'm surprised that everyone came out unequivocally against torture. I had expected a little more nuance.

For the record:

Torture is illegal and is at least for that reason unacceptable. Allowing it under any circumstance or program or status configuration destroys any moral framework that would condemn torture, making any prohibition against the practice useless.

An interview with Colin Powell would be well worth watching if he had anythng worthwhile to say, which, since he does not seem to be involved in shaping policy, he does not. So that lovely palm tree will do nicely, thank you Emily.

A Kerry/McCain ticket would work for me. Kerry/Anybody Else maybe not so much. Although, since it's been mentioned, McCain/Kerry might be better. A crossover ticket might be able to overcome some of this partisan polarization that makes it nearly impossible to even have a rational political discourse in this country--except, of course, here.

I have more, but I don't want to give you too much to read. After all, I have a lovely sardonic post about Fox's The Swan down there, which no one seems to have noticed. Or, perhaps you were too busy engaging in rational political discourse: "torture bad, tree good."

And now, as always, I leave you with a gruesome image:



Hey cheer up guy, at least you weren't killed in Saddam Hussein's Iraq. You're free now!

I'm back bitches.

Ok I have some questions for you. If you do not answer them I may have to resort to harsh measures:




Alright. First of all, what is your position on torture?
I saw Alan Dershowitz (the clown in a lawyer suit) on Nightline last week and his position seemed to be that violating the Geneva conventions is, at least under some circumstances, acceptable as long as it receives authorization from the highest levels of government, which if Seymour Hersh is correct the activities at Abu Ghraib did. So, in your view is torture, or the kind of treatment reported at Abu Graib and elsewhere, acceptable under some circumstances and if so, what are the circumstances?

Secondly, which is more interesting: an interview with Colin Powell or an image of a lovely Jordanian palm tree.

Finally, would you consider voting for a John Kerry/John McCain ticket? Would having John McCain as a running mate increase, decrease or not affect the likelihood of you voting John Kerry for President?

Discuss.

I'll get back to you later on these issues.

Well ok, I figured that with all the free time I would have with a week off from work, there would be no limit to the number of things I would be able to accomplish: those things which I had deferred until just such a time when I would be free of occupational burdens. But, as it turns out I'm universally lazy.

In theory, the way my mind is designed to operate, the more free time I have the less likely I am to get something done. Conversely, the less free time I have, the more likely I should be to get things done. Except, I can always blame a shortage of accomplishments on a shortage of time. Nevertheless, a week without work and with an appropriate number of naps is refreshing. (Apparently I didn't know this.)

On Thursday, for example I saw some of the Lakers/Spurs playoff game including the unlikely ending. Ordinarily I wouldn't give a damn, but the second and third quarters made a good background for a short evening nap. Yet, I was cogent enough to observe that whatever the hell rule gave the Lakers the ball across half court after a timeout with 0.4 of a second left is a stupid rule. They should at least have to inbound the ball first. (Actually, I thought that was the rule, but perhaps not.)

On Tuesday, I went to the Sox game. It did not rain, my hair did not get wet and the Sox won 15-0. While exploring the concourse I observed a tall intoxicated man arguing with a woman. Two innings later I saw this same man being escorted out after an altercation with another man. I should attend more games. (Whoa, non-sequitor.) I forget how nice it is to be around the park when the weather's nice and the team isn't terrible.

On Monday, I had the unfortunate privilege of watching some of Fox's The Swan which is the subject of the next post.

Yes, the show that takes ugly women and transforms them into sideshow freaks. After the transformation, some of those women look ok; pretty good even. But Good Lord, they're going to fall apart in five years.

It's inconceivable to me that anyone would choose to undergo so many procedures, endure the physical pain and unknown consequences for a chance, just a chance to compete in a phony pageant put on by Fox! The network could just as easily round up 12 women, give them haircuts and have them parade around the stage and crown one of them least aesthetically challenged. But, I suppose that would not quite rise to the level of shameful degradation of humanity that Fox is looking for.

I checked out The Swan website and its message board. The board is flooded with people who want to become contestants. One woman, apparently not quite understanding the concept of a public message board, posted her name, age, address, home phone number and wireless phone number in her attempt to attract the attention of the show's cult leaders. So, if you want to prank her I've got her number.

These people really expect to be made whole from the outside. What if they're right? What if we live in a world that is so shallow that people with profound problems can be made whole from the outside?

And speaking of vanity I wore my hair in braids all week and felt quite good about it so it is clear that I don't need a haircut: I need a new job.

And also I had mentioned that I had officially lost interest in my Yahoo! Sports fantasy baseball team; well I got an email with a trade proposal today. So I was just going to accept it because afterall, I don't really need any of my players anymore. I go into the league page and discover that in spite of the fact that I gave up on this activity weeks ago, I am somehow in second place; And that trade was good for me, so now my team is even stronger. Ok, I'm back in. Bitches.

Mother

Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb?

Mother, do you think they'll like this song?

Oooooh ah,
Mother, should I build a wall?

Mother, should I run for president?
Mother, should I trust the government?
Mother, will they put me in the firing line?
Ooooooh ah,
Is it just a waste of time?

Today is the last day I will have to go to work until May 17; 9 work free days. I'm trying to plan out some activities for myself while still making time for naps. It's not such an easy task.

Furthermore, should I cut my hair? My annoyance with my day to day puffiness is increasing. Although I feel the braids have not yet reached their full aesthetic potential and still have work to do in the world, the fact that I spend the vast majority of my days without them calls into question the practicality of my follicle volume.

Um... ouch.

I have officially lost interest in my fantasy baseball team:
Chemical Cocktail we hardly knew ye.

Workers of the World Unite!

G.I. Jane gives a thumbs up! to POW abuse

And now here's a bit of personal philosophy from alpha charlie bravo:

Either one lives according to principles or one does not. One should not espouse a principle and then use the unprincipled actions of others to justify its violation. Otherwise, the principle becomes meaningless and nothing within the ethical realm is not relative. Of course, one may freely choose to advance a model of the world without clearly defined principles. But, that is not the sort of world I would prefer to live in.

I'm looking for this album:

Angola 72 by Bonga.
If you have it will you please make me a copy so I don't have to buy it from some European World Music wholesaler. Damn Europeans.... Or if you see it somewhere toss me a head up. I haven't yet begun to search the brick and mortar.

It's not as bad as you would hope, but it's not good either:

"Mr. Combs is not the wholesale embarrassment that connoisseurs of schadenfreude were hoping for...

Most disspiriting, though, is his lack of variety. Though his eyes gleam promisingly in the early scenes, there is rarely a flicker of transforming feeling on his handsome, self-assured face. You can only sympathize with [director Kenny] Leon, who has come up with various devices for working around this stolidity..."

But, he's eating the eggs!

God save Audra McDonald.

Cold. So very, very cold.


Sign the petition!

Paperback Writer Pt.II

New American Library has still not released Lynne Cheney's novel "Sisters," first published in 1981, much to the chagrin of anyone wanting to read it today. A few excerpts are available on this website.

My understanding is that Mrs. Cheney no longer holds the copyright on this work, so the decision to release the book or not is solely the publisher's.

And now, you can sign an online petition to compel the publisher to release this book and make it again available to the public.

Reissue Lynne Cheney's "Sisters" Petition

Did you see Meet The Press yesterday? Was not Saudi Arabia's Prince Bandar bin Sultan the shiftiest interviewee in television history? If you didn't see it, catch the rebroadcast on CNBC tonight and tell me, was he not the shiftiest interviewee in history?

"Dare to eat the eggs"

P. Diddy's Broadway Crash Course:

"Mr. Combs made a point: 'You have all these other teachers like Strasberg,' he said, turning toward Ms. Batson to check whether he had correctly pronounced the name of the illustrious acting teacher and co-founder of the Group Theater. Ms. Batson, who studied with Strasberg at the Actors Studio, nodded. 'But,' he continued, 'Susan has been able to simplify and make it more direct. Sometimes her help can be as crazy as `Dare to eat the eggs.' '

He was referring to an early scene in which Walter Lee's wife, Ms. McDonald makes him scrambled eggs. In the first few previews, Mr. Combs left the eggs on his plate, but after that he started taking a few forkfuls. 'People have come to see the play, real New York thespians and they're like, `Damn, he's really eating the eggs,' ' Mr. Combs said. ' `I can't believe it. He really can act.' "

Um... right.

Whatever

My favorite moment of the draft:

Bears third round pick, Bernard Berrian, was answering questions over the phone during the media conference call conducted by the team. He was apparently in a room where a party was taking place: you could hear people talking and music in the background. At one point, while fielding a question from a reporter, a young woman's voice comes clearly over the phone, "Baby, we're going to the store. Do you want anything?" "Whatever," Berrian replied and resumed his first meeting with the Chicago media.

alpha charlie bravo is on the clock...

Pat Tillman was killed in Afghanistan, which probably makes him the most famous soldier to die in recent conflicts and therefore, the most important.

"My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori."

-Wilfred Owen

I just worked 8 hours at a part-time job. Go, overworked American labor force.

Ok, just so there's no confusion, I am not really listening to Neko Case right now, I just don't feel like changing the image. I'm actually listening to Steve Dahl right now. My musical landscape is somewhat barren. Got any suggestions?

Write this down: M-A-R-S. Mars, bitches.

If there's anyone you really, really dislike and you wish that they were dead, set up a press conference announcing that person as the new head of Hamas in Gaza. Then just sit back and watch the missles fly.
But as always, I urge all sides to show restraint.

Whoever did John Kerry's makeup this morning on Meet the Press is one hell of an artist.

Paperback Writer

I didn't know this, but perhaps you did: the Vice President's wife Lynne, is a novelist. Among her literary accomplishments is a book called Sisters, which was first published in 1981. It was scheduled to be reissued this year, but for some reason the publisher had a change of heart. Here is the text of one reader's review from Amazon:

"[Sisters is] the lusty story of frigid, 19th century house wives thawed only by the gentle, loving caresses of one another. [It] probes trepidatiously into the sweet, secret delights that await them and brings forth the deep, damp passions lurking in all women as they take their first trembling steps toward their most fervent desires on a tawdry journey of self discovery."

Someone should start a letter-writing campaign to the publisher to have this book re-issued. It's time has finally come.

Which is more shocking?

Giant plastic fish,

or

Giant pink bunny?

Life During Wartime

Holy Saturday, Batman!

Shouldn't the networks start ramping up their Iraq coverage again? Kind of like when CBS leaves an NCAA tournament game because the favorite is up by twenty points, but comes back to the game when the underdog cuts the lead to five.

Nevertheless, I have been following the events in Iraq and if I've said it once, I've probably said it more than once:

"This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no foolin' around."

Dats my word.

Weightless Again

The post that got misplaced last night was a strange rambling tome about cookies, yo-yo's and Leila Josefowicz. None of those topics have anything to do with each other, but as I recall, there was some lovely diction in the text. And this paragraph has nothing to do with the paragraph that follows:

I was driving home tonight contemplating dinner. My gut told me I should contrive a sensible meal so I can eat and go to bed comfortably at a reasonable hour. My dopamine receptors told me I should acquire two McRib sandwiches and stay up until at least 4am 'surfing the net' and playing PS2. Well, the only people who ignore their dopamine receptors are recovering substance abusers; and Bill is no friend of mine. So here I am.

But with it being Good Friday now, I won't eat meat for another 22 1/2 hours.

If I have nothing better to do on this Holy Weekend, I may indulge in some false cinematic piety and catch a screening of the "Jesus Chainsaw Massacre."

I really wish I had some cookies and yo-yo right now.

About seven hours ago, I was writing a post here. But, I lost the text and then I went to bed. I would recreate it, but at 9:00am those words don't make the same kind of sense they did at 2:00am.

Seen on the Highway:

A woman in a convertible with a refrigerator in the passenger seat.

A flatbed truck with a dozen 10-foot tall fiberglass guitars.

It's warm outside, it's baseball season and the McRib is back. What wondrous times we live in.

I should really write something here...

So that Air America radio "network" with Al Franken and his shortsightedly titled "The O'Franken Factor" debuts today.

A year ago when the idea was first proposed, Harry Shearer recorded "The Gore Room" an imagined liberal talk show with Al Gore as host and Al Franken as sidekick.

Harry Shearer's recorded skits exhibit a level of technical wizardry that's always interesting even if the bit isn't all that funny. In this case, "The Gore Room" is almost too realistic to be funny, but it manages. If you'd like, you can listen to it now.

Oh, and also click on Buddy Guy over there -->
Did you click on him? He'll sing to you...

I didn't know a person could make a career out of this. "No man can eat 100 eggs."--Name that movie!

Now I'm reminded of this phenomenon, which is probably the next logical step for Southside Andy

Blue Sky On Mars

This just in. There's life on Mars. Maybe.

Waking Life

What was I going to say? I don't remember.
Don't look at this. It creeps me the hell out.

I was asleep not very long ago and in the course of that sleep I dreamed I was at work. That work day ended and was immediately followed by another. I never went home because the next work day suddenly just happened. At one point in the dream I thought, "I'm tired." The remedy for this seemed to be to get to bed, but of course, I was already in bed. So, the best remedy available was to wake up. And so here I am now, awake for over an hour already--not feeling tired at all. But in a few hours, consciousness will be a struggle.

And well, I see that Benton County Oregon has finally resolved the gay marriage issue.

I know a guy who is selling an '82 Ford Mustang (engine rebuilt--all new parts) for $900 and he suggested that I make this fact generally known to people.

Also, I have Ayman Al-Zawahiri surrounded. Wait, no I don't. But, maybe if I acquired some advanced weaponry I could capture him...

And I happened to catch this 60 minutes interview and it occurred to me that if the Admin. had really been on top of the terrorism issue and been able to prevent 9/11, terrorism would not be a major campaign issue now. Without 9/11, which paved the way for the Iraq war, what would GW's re-election campaign focus be? (This is just an observation, it doesn't lead to any conclusion.)

Today is the vernal equinox.
It's also my Mom's Birthday.


So, Happy Birthday.

Love and Basketball

The NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament is my favorite sporting event, especially the first two rounds. It's better than the Super Bowl, the World Series, the Olympics. I love the upsets, the close calls, the unsung heroes and the rising stars. It's fun to discover players with crazy hair, like Wesley Stokes (see below), or great names, like God Shammgod.

I don't think I've watched a single college basketball game in its entirety this year, and yet my excitement is not in the least diminished.
However, I won't be able to see any of the games today. As a matter of fact I'm not watching basketball right now, which allowed me the opportunity to fill out my brackets. My brackets are truly inspired. Of course they're completely wrong, but nevertheless inspired.

So who's in your Final Four?
And what are you not doing right now?


Wesley Stokes

Election

With 98% of precincts reporting, Barack Obama had more votes than all of the Republican candidates for senate combined. So, let's give it up for his wife!

Blair Hull spent about $30 million for about 130,000 votes.
That's $230 per vote.

...And so ends his Citizen Kane fantasy.
Next time, Blair, just give me a couple hundred bucks; I'll vote for ya.

You'll notice that Barack Obama started to gain in the polls shortly after receiving the endorsement of alpha charlie bravo.

Find some time to go to the polls today, if you haven't already. Vote twice for me in case I don't make it.

Speaking of which, read My Hell in Camp X-Ray
There's a fine line between terrorist and tourist.
I want dibs on movie rights. Holla?

This is the story of one of the world's unluckiest petty criminals.

Wouldn't it be great if this actually happened? It would make life so much more interesting. Kerry and McCain. They'd be like Ferdinand and Isabella. Although Ferdinand did run the country into the ground after Isabella died. Oh well.

Do It Yourself:

This is CIA director George Tenet:



He's testifying before Congress.
What would you say he was thinking when this picture was taken?

You may, as I do, find GW's verbal gaffes to be amusing, but our President is not nearly as interesting as Italy's Prime Minister.

Move along folks, nothing to see here.

Strange Weather

Well, it was rather warm this weekend. I hope you didn't feel the need to shoot anyone.

I had been thinking about this problem of outsourcing and the only solution I can think of that will create new jobs, is to create new technologies. This article by Robert X. Cringely propses how that could be accomplished.

But then again, maybe none of that matters because the world will be plunged into anarchy by 2020:
"Now the Pentagon tells Bush: climate change will destroy us"

The WWE is a fraud. Kaiju Big Battel is real.

Leap year is really special, because it means one extra day of Black History Month. What will you do with your extra day?

Songs In the Key of Springfield

"Hey who left all this garbage on the steps of Congress?"

"I'm not garbage. I'm an amendment to be, yes an amendment to be and I'm hoping that they'll ratify me. There's a lot of [gay people] who have got too much freedom. I want to make it legal for policemen to beat 'em 'cause there's limits to our liberties. At least, I hope and pray that there are, 'cause those liberal freaks go to far."

"But why can't we just make a law against [gay marriage]?"

"Because that law would be unconstitutional. But if we change the Constitution..."

"Then we can make all sorts of crazy laws!"

"Now you're catching on!"

This is just stupid. This whole business of blowing up the infamous Steve Bartman baseball from the NLCS--indescribable stupidity. Forget about the fact that over $100,000 was paid to acquire the ball and nevermind the cavalcade of cameras and personalities that will attend the hideous spectacle. I don't understand why people are willing to believe, or at least behave as if they believed that a mystical force can affect the fortune of a baseball team and that this power can be "exorcised" by destroying a particular fetish object. What is this? Are people over the goat now? After all the "goat curse" has been lifted about 40 times. Will a baseball have to be destroyed every year now? Or maybe next year it will be a corked bat, or perhaps a hypodermic needle.

I'm debating whether or not to attend Ash Wednesday services in the morning. First of all, it would require getting up at 7am, when I could otherwise sleep until 9. Second, I am certain the cross that would be marked on my forehead with the ashes of burned palms will appear to be just a dark smudge by midday.

Sometimes, all it is from the outset is a smudge because the priest is either unable or unwilling to make an articulate cross upon the forehead of the parishioner. The thumb, opposable though it may be, is not necessarily the best tool for the job. The index finger is typically more dexterous and capable of making a more defined line. Perhaps that will be my litmus test. I'll attend the service, but if I see the thumb of the clergy and the uninterpretable symbols it makes, I'll simply walk away.

Alright, so I didn't make it to the library this weekend, but I did manage to actually leave the house. I even got to use some conversational Spanish.

I have a habit of getting myself lost even when I know where I'm going. I grabbed the el from the Music Box, rode it to Fullerton and needed to walk to Ashland. I started walking west, but after a couple of blocks I stopped, turned around and went the wrong way. I also have a problem with remembering the order of streets. I should know very well that Ashland is west of Halsted and yet, I ventured east.

After a few blocks, I had concluded that I needed to turn around and go back from whence I came, but I stopped in a McDonald's to receive confirmation. I asked the woman at the counter, "Which way is Ashland?"--blank stare--"Donde esta Ashland?"
"Quien?"
"No, la calle Ashland."
"La calle? Oh, I don't know."

What had just transpired was the most productive use of my years of formal training in a foreign language that I had ever engaged in.
And yet it got me nowhere.
Nevertheless, I did proceed westward to Ashland wherein I discovered that I had actually gotten off at the wrong El stop.

And so yes I ventured to the aforementioned and linked Music Box to see The Fog of War: 11 Lessons From the Life of Robert S. McNamara. I found it to be quite compelling, although it should not be mistaken for a history lesson. I'll say more about it later.

The Grey Zone

I'm listening to the "Grey Album". A DJ who calls himself Danger Mouse remixed Jay-Z's The Black Album with samples from The Beatles' "White Album."

Some of it is really good, which gives me pause because I dislike what Jay-Z seems to stand for. I find him to be shallow and conceited which does not make him unique, but it does make me disinterested. I have not heard The Black Album, but I suppose I'll have to listen to it now to find out what the record sounds like without The Beatles as a backing band.

Well hopefully, I will have a productive Saturday. I seem to have quite a bit planned for tomorrow, but my Saturday plans have a tendancy to dissolve in a hypnagogic state. If nothing else, I must make a trip to the library.

I got a great parking spot yesterday and yet no one was around to witness my glory.

Memory is a strange thing, isn't it. Or at least my memory is. I am expected to know by rote 41 job methods for work. It is someone's occupation this week to test me and others on this knowledge. Knowing the 41 methods means memorizing 101 lines of text. Of course, many of these lines contain redundant concepts that are worded in eight different ways and some of them just don't make sense at all. To my complete surprise I was able to recite 100 of 101 from memory--99% effective.

I can't remember what I was doing 5 minutes ago, but I can remember 100 lines of text that I memorized 6 months ago. Now the problem is, it's an all or nothing test--pass/fail--you get 100% or you take it again. Knowing that my previous feat of memory was a freak event, I'm essentially refusing to retake the test. So, we'll see what happens.

But, I do remember when Gary Barnett was the football coach at NU. Frankly, he was a distraction. He was a man, he was a man and he was terrible, just awful.

Passion

Ok really, no really I was going to write about this last week, but I didn't so I'm doing it now.

I don't have an overwhelming interest in seeing Mel Gibson's The Passion of The Christ. I've seen Jesus of Nazareth several times (it was shown to us every year around Easter in grade school), I've read the gospels and I played Jesus in a high school musical, so I'm familiar with the story.

But I suppose, Gibson is trying to bring a level of verisimilitude to the story that had not been previously achieved. That alone may make the film worth seeing.

Now, what about this controversy? Well, why would Jews care if people think they killed Jesus? After all, they killed Jesus. (They also killed Kenny.) Somebody has to kill Jesus. Was Pontius Pilate going to do it? No, he was trying to wimp out. If it hadn't been for the steadfast hypocrisy of a handful of zealous Judeans, there would be no Christianity. So everybody chill out. Everything worked out the way it was supposed to, right?

Zealous Judean: "Oh, was that you're savior? Sorry about that, we thought he was just a hippie troublemaker."
Modern Christian: "No prob. Turns out, you did us a huge favor."

There are two Jesus related movies that I would recommend because they each made me consider the life of Jesus from a new perspective:

The Last Temptation of Christ, Martin Scorcese's uber-controversial film. That movie made me realize how much greater it is for a Man, not simply to accept death, but to sacrifice the life he could have in order to fulfill a divine mission.

And

Jesus of Montreal. This movie discusses Jesus from a strictly historical perspective. Roger Ebert is right when he says in his review that in a sense, it's a movie about the theater, not religion. Nevertheless, it reminds me how the qualities that made Jesus the man special, are qualities we can still emulate in the modern world: leadership, integrity and above all love.

I also recommend Life of Brian. But for different reasons.
"Always look on the bright side of life..."

Crash

Actually, I think I prefer "Speakerboxxx."

But meanwhile,

The Daytona 500 pre-show is on, and I'd like to see a contest held to determine once and for all who is the lispiest man in professional "sports:"
NASCAR's Michael Waltrip or the NFL's Jeff Garcia?

At the moment, they're talking about some of the worst crashes at the 500 in recent years. Which speaks to the real reason I think people watch NASCAR. It's not because they like to see cars go around in circles, it's the constant possibility of a deadly or at least spectacular crash that people find compelling.

Speaking of which, have you ever seen the movie Crash?

Elias Koteas: creepiest performance ever.

The Love Below

I just wanted to point out, in the spirit of the "holiday," that diamonds are so plentiful that they're practically worthless; and the linking of diamonds with romantic love is one of the greatest unqualified advertising successes in human history.

The DeBeers company, which fled South Africa after the fall of apartheid, has managed to collude the diamond market for over a hundred years to keep prices rising, in spite of the fact that several tons of diamonds are extracted from mines each year.

Here's an article to that effect.

A Few Small Repairs

Hey!
Let's all get scared! Shall we?

Dizz Knee Land

OK. I have... 10, 20 30... $50 bucks!
I think I'll buy Disney.

I haven't really given the issue much consideration really, but
this article that says the media got the story about GW's National Guard service wrong, leaves me with a number of fundamental questions:

Why did GW go to Alabama anyway?
Was he granted a leave from the Texas Air National Guard that neant he was not obligated to serve anywhere in any capacity while he was in Alabama?
Did he attend drills in Alabama even though they were not compulsory?
Was he getting paid while he was in Alabama?
If so, for service to whom--the Texas Guard or the Alabama Guard?

Maybe the answers are out there for me to discover with a little research. But hell, I'm not a journalist. Why should I have to do all of the work?

Alright so at around 3am a commercial is on Tv for this product--a handheld mini sewing machine.

Now, typical of such ads it shows melodramatically frustrated archetypes attempting to use the traditional product (in this case, an ordinary sewing machine) with no success, followed by an image of the new product being used with grace and speed.

The voice over says: "You couldn't sew drapes with an ordinary sewing machine!" Here a grandmotherly woman is shown holding in the air a full size sewing machine, turning it sideways and attempting to sew the edge of the drapes that are hanging on the window. Of course, this procedure is made much easier by the "Handy Stitch" but wouldn't it be even easier to just take the drapes down before sewing them?

This grotesquely exaggerated anecdote is intended to be an extension of the uses previously suggested in the commercial; for instance, "Sew your pants while still wearing them!" Which I suppose could be useful, but still why would anyone sew their drapes while they're still hanging on the window? I might as well sew my blanket while sleeping under it.

Blair Hull makes me itchy. He's a candidate for the Democratic Senate nomination and he's already spent $12 million of his own money on the race.

What troubles me is how some of that money is paying for banners on the Sun-Times website that magically appear with campaign news stories.

It's a good advertising strategy because it furtively positions Blair Hull in the mind of the voter as the most "newsworthy" candidate. But the best advertising is almost always evil.

And so how did Blair Hull make his money? Well, he's a former professional Black Jack player turned Day Trader.
Quick, somebody get me a ballot!

I'm officially endorsing Barak Obama for Senate.

Errata

Here's a little tip for all you young web designers out there-- don't put your lovely little page out into the world without testing it on multiple platforms.
Of course, any real web designer knows this, but I only discovered by accident that Internet Explorer displayed part of this page in a disruptive pink color.

The color of the main section, for those of you who were wondering, is #ffcc66. But for the "menu" strip on the right, I wrote #ffccc66. For some reason, Safari and Netscape displayed it as intended, but IE didn't.

The page also got smushed together and out of whack if you weren't viewing it through a wide enough window. It's better now. See? Play with your window! Smaller... Bigger... Smaller...

When I have a bit more time, somewhere between midnight tonight and Sunday morning, I'll actually write something of substance.

Ringmaster

This past weekend This American Life did a segment on the political career of Jerry Springer. It is a compelling, and I think, tragic story. There's even a website dedicated to getting Springer back into political life.

So perhaps we should re-consider Jerry Springer the man, the politician and suggest him as a V.P. candidate.

One year ago today, in a crowded computer lab, alpha charlie bravo was born.

Over the course of a year alpha charlie bravo has evolved and improved, gotten worse, changed, improved again, expanded, taken a step back, spun itself around in circles and moved confidently forward.

Some of this blog's accomplishments include:

• Becoming a candidate for Viceroy of Iraq


• Inventing new words


• Inventing alpha charlie bravo bonds


• Maintaining the site using public library computers


• Uttering a political statement no one could disagree with


• Filling some empty space

I never would have expected that this blog would be as vital and meaningful to me still as it is today. It certainly would not be if I were typing into a vacuum. So, alpha charlie bravo would like to thank the Academy and everyone who has visited and participated in this site.

Monday

Today is Monday.

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Tomorrow Never Knows

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I need shoelaces.
As a matter of fact, I need shoes.


I woke up this morining with the whole-hearted belief that today is Saturday. I began to mentally plan my day and I was feeling good about the world. Believing that it is Saturday, I attempted to recall what had transpired the day before (Friday), but I was unable to remember anything about it. Slowly, I realized that I didn't remember Friday because I had not yet experienced Friday. What an intolerable cruelty this is.

Maybe I should just carry on as if today were actually Saturday.

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Hotel Illness

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I don't take drugs.
Whenever I get sick, which is maybe once a year, I don't indulge in Nyquill induced slumber, or take other remedies to alleviate my symptoms. I consume copious amounts of tea, as I do normally anyway, and I trudge on. I was thinking of this tonight as I was driving home from work and for a moment considered the acquisition of that magical green syrup in order to facillitate a full night's sleep.

After I compose this message I will drift off to sleep only to wake abruptly at 5 or 6 am feeling miserable. This is how it's been for the last couple of days. Of course, I feel worse at the periphery of the day, which is, I believe, a common experience.

But, my condition fluctuates so strangely. Here's how I felt yesterday:

6:00 am: (suddenly awake) Miserable
10:00 am: (arrive at Gig 1) Murky yet Vibrant
12:00 pm: (still at Gig 1) Cold and Miserable
3:30 pm: (arrive at Gig 2) Not bad
4:00 pm: (pre-work meeting) "I can't do this"
5:00 pm: (in the mix, Gig 2) "Hey, never felt better!"
10:00 pm: (post-work meeting) "Hmm, I've got sniffles."
10:30 pm: (in the parking lot) "My God, I need drugs!"

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Too Sick To Pray

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Wesley Clark has won the New Hampshire primary. Well, in one town anyway. He received 8 out of 15 votes. Congratulations, Mr. Vice Presidential nominee.

How sick do you have to be to stay home from work? I made a last minute decision in that direction just as I was beginning to not feel entirely terrible. I'm taking the gamble that today is the peak of my illness and accordingly I should convalesce (for a few hours) to encourage my improvement. But if I'm wrong and I'm worse tomorrow, that will be a problem.

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The Secret of My Success

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Get Money Fast! 6 Easy Steps!
It Really Works!

1. Work two jobs.


2. Utilize "direct deposit" for the higher paying of the two, but rely on "live" checks for the other.


3. Neglect to pick-up a check from the 2nd job for at least a month.


4. Suddenly remember you have a paycheck outstanding.


5. Discover in fact that you had two outstanding checks.


6. Enjoy your new financial windfall.

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New Favorite

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Perhaps I had been somewhat avoiding it, but I've only just now accessed the iTunes Music Store.

I bought two songs:

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World"
performed by: Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

and

"Bears" by Lyle Lovett

I also bought two albums:

"Stop Making Sense (Special Edition)" - Talking Heads
"Exile in Guyville" - Liz Phair

I had not heard "Exile in Guyville" since I was in High School, but it's still a very good record, exceptional even. The project of making Liz Phair over to be more like Avril Lavigne, or someone of that ilk, seems even more bizarre to me now because I had forgotten how interesting her song writing used to be.

What I was really looking for was the song "Babe, I'm On Fire" by Nick Cave. The iTunes store had every song on that album, Nocturama, but would not sell the one I wanted individually. I would have had to buy the entire album to get the one song, which is what I was trying to avoid by going online in the first place. And yet, I continued to browse...

Well, my unofficial second favorite band in the world is on Soundstage tonight at 9 on Channel 11. The show is shot in HD and it looks great, (yes, even on a CRT television) not to mention the great music by a truly great band. Of course, I'll be at work so I won't be able to watch it. Today would be a good day to have TiVo.

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Hail to the Thief

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Here are some highlights from the President's address last night.

"We can go forward with confidence and resolve, or we can turn back to the dangerous illusion that terrorists are not plotting and outlaw regimes are no threat to us"

Which will you choose? Dangerous illusion or paranoid delusion?

"Twenty-eight months have passed... over two years without an attack on American soil."

I think FDR said the same thing in his 1943 address.

"It is tempting to believe that the danger is behind us. That hope is understandable, comforting -- and false."

Hope. So comforting, and yet so false.

"The work of building a new Iraq is hard, and it is right."

Yeah, you're right it is hard.

"Last month, the leader of Libya voluntarily pledged to disclose and dismantle all of his regime's weapons of mass destruction programs."

Article: "Libya Disposes of Phantom Arsenal"
Actually if that article is correct, Libya's arsenal is no more phantom than Iraq's, so I guess it counts.

"I know that some people question if America is really in a war at all. They view terrorism more as a crime, a problem to be solved mainly with law enforcement and indictments."

Hey, he's talking about me! Hi Mr. President!
Terrorism is a concept, an activity or tactic really. I didn't think you could drop bombs on concepts, but hey, GW has proved me wrong.

"Let us be candid about the consequences of leaving Saddam Hussein in power... Already, the Kay Report identified dozens of weapons of mass destruction-related program activities..."

Already?

Here I think the syntax speaks for itself: "weapons of mass destruction-related program activities..."
Qualifiers anyone?

"Some critics have said our duties in Iraq must be internationalized. This particular criticism is hard to explain to our partners in Britain, Australia, Japan, South Korea, the Philippines, Thailand, Italy, Spain, Poland, Denmark, Hungary, Bulgaria, Ukraine, Romania, the Netherlands -- (applause) -- Norway, El Salvador"

Let's break this down:

Australia and Japan are providing troops on the ground.

The Phillipines have donated hundreds of Imelda Marcos' old shoes.

Thailand has provided delicious exotic spices.

Poland has troops on the ground.

Hungary, Bulgaria and Romania just like having their names mentioned.

Alright, that's enough. Here are some stats:

The words "September 11th" appear 3 times in the address.
"Terrorist or Terrorists" 13 times.
"America or American(s)" 65 times.

In the 2003 Address:
"September 11th" 3 times.
"Terrorist or Terrorists" 13 times.
"America or American(s) 58 times.

By comparing these numbers I have concluded that we are no more secure than a year ago, but somehow we are more American.

God bless America.