Well, I don't know what went wrong. I still don't understand how the College of Cardinals chose Benedict the One Six over me, alphaCardinalcharliebravo. I submitted my papplication in a timely fashion and I even wrote the cover letter in Latin.

Now what? I've been weighing my options.
I could try to position myself as a doctrinal Antipope in the mold of Hippolytus. But, that's a clear path to excommunication.

My other option is to become ordained in the Universal Life Church and take on a special religious title. They don't offer Pope, so I'm leaning towards Universal Philosopher of Absolute Reality.

alpha charlie bravo is on the clock...

What Office Space character are you?

Pope Joan?

"According to medieval legend, Pope Joan was a female pope who reigned from 855 to 858."

"Supposedly, since her time, any candidate for the pope undergoes an intimate examination to ensure he is not a woman (or eunuch) in disguise.
This involved sitting on a chair which has a hole in the seat. The most junior deacon present then feels under the chair to ensure the new Pope is male: 'And in order to demonstrate his worthiness, his testicles are felt by the junior present as testimony of his male sex.
When this is found to be so, the person who feels them shouts out in a loud voice testiculos habet ("He has testicles") And all the clerics reply Deo Gratias ("Thanks be to God"). Then they proceed joyfully to the consecration of the pope-elect"

It all makes sense now.

Sing it with me now:
"The Inquisition! Let's Begin!"
"The Inquisition! Watch out sin!"

The Onion A.V. Club has some ideas for which music artists I should be devoting more attention to. So, I gave them some attention and they all suck the mop. Except, for the first band: The Decemberists. I downloaded their album, Picaresque, and to my surprise it's the best record I've heard all year. But don't ask me what it sounds like and don't ask me if you would like it, because I really couldn't say. I guess if you like Belle and Sebastian you will like The Decemberists. But, I don't like Belle and Sebastian, really, and I love this record. So I don't know what to tell you.

I'm seeing a considerable desire on the part of the lay Catholic community to allow the ordination of women. I just want to make clear that if I am elected Pope, which could happen any day now, I have no plans to ordain women. It's just not part of my reformation agenda.

The Bookmakers are still betting on Ratzinger.

I'm putting myself at 250 - 1.

Well, it's taken me all night. But, after hours of reading drwhoguide.com, I've finally come to terms with the destruction of Gallifrey. Nevermind. Don't ask.

By the way, Chris Eccleston, you're dead to me. You hear? Dead.

Actually I need to go back a bit and explain. In the course of my geek indulgent Doctor Who study, I ran across a concept that was novel for me and has not insignificantly influenced my thinking about the world the past few hours.

Since the original Doctor Who Tv series ended in 1989, the stories have continued mainly in serialized novels to which I have paid no attention whatsoever, which is why I was trying to catch up a bit, with the new series going on now.

In one of those stories there is a not terribly original alien investigates the human mind scenario by subjecting human to various imagined life or death situations. In this case, the aliens are examining the human's assertion that her actions are guided by principles. She is placed in one situation in which she must sacrifice herself to save a planet. Another wherein she must destroy a planet to save a galaxy. And another in which she must kill an infant who will grow up to be terribly destructive.

After observing her, the alien concludes that her choices are guided by aesthetics. It is more difficult for her to kill a baby than destroy an entire planet because of the image it creates in her mind.

Now, I probably should have thought of this before. Or, at least, read it somewhere. But isn't it true? How many of the choices we make--decisions about right and wrong-- are aesthetic choices masquerading as morality?

I don't know. I have to think about this some more.
In other news, I'm eating with chopsticks.

Why couldn't Eddy Curry just have herpes?

I'm proud to introduce a new feature here at alpha charlie bravo. It's called: "This I beli-- wait, no that's something else. It's called "The World According to..."

Today, The World According To John Bolton, nominee for U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations:

"There's no such thing as the United Nations."

"If you removed 10 stories from the U.N. building it wouldn't make a bit of difference."

"If the Security Council were remade today, it would have only one permanent member, the United States."

"International law really isn't law."

"While treaties may well be politically or even morally binding, they are not legally obligatory."

What is that colloquial "definition" of insanity?



Ah, yes.

This Space For Rent

Karol Józef Wojtyla:

I know you and I had our disagreements, but I just wanted to say, thanks. Well done.

Can I run for Pope?