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Attack El Robot! Attack!

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Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot.  Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot.  Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot.  Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot.  Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot. Dick Clark is an evil robot.

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Both Sides of the Brain

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Well, I hope you all had the bestest Christmas everest! I myself am experiencing a rather disturbing case of "hey, didn't these pants used to fit?" But I'll get over it.

Shopping on Christmas Eve was not at all difficult. i met my mom downtown and bought her crack for lunch, which she unequivocally deserved after standing in an unreasonably long line at Old Navy to pick up a gift certificate I intended to give on Christmas.

I have an active contempt of Old Navy and that State St. store particularly. I find it so discouraging to see the countless number of shoppers who squeeze themselves into interminable lines that snake between cursory metal and nylon barriers, clutching the unstylish clothing that is offered to them as de rigueur.

Anyway, I was so thoroughly enthralled in the spirit of giving, that over the weekend I decided to give myself an iPod as I had earlier intimated I might. I also acquired an FM transmitter that allows me to listen to my iPod in the car, which was a central issue for me.

So now I am yet another step closer to a brain tumor. "Wtf?" You say? Well, for those of you not scoring at home, I now employ the following technologies: wireless internet, a wireless phone and a radio transmitter that is about eight inches from my head while I'm driving.

Please schedule me for a CAT scan. What the hell, I don't care. I've got health insurance.

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Santa Claus, Go Straight to the Ghetto

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I have shopping to do. But I don't mind. I like having definitive Christmas related activities scheduled for Christmas Eve.

I have compiled a small collection of Christmas music featuring the James Brown classic from which this post takes its title, also Urban Therapy's favorite Christmas song, "This Christmas" sung by Donny Hathaway and my favorite holiday song at the moment, "Father Christmas" by The Kinks which contains the chorus: "Father Christmas, give us some money! Don't mess around with those silly toys, we'll beat you up if you don't hand it over, give all the toys to the little rich boys."

That was a long sentence.

Well, have yourself a merry little Christmas.
I'll be looking under the tree for that Lexus with a bow on it tomorrow and I'm sure you will be too.

Unless, of course you're Jewish.
In which case, may you find your Lexus under the Menorah.

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Fleur de Lys

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This is why America is better than France and is the best damn country in the world, dammit!

Alright, now that that's out of the way, I've been reading the transcript from the President's big post capture Tv interview last week.
Now, I have heard it suggested that American political satire is in decline. Perhaps this is true. After all, we have a government that is satire incarnate.

Once again, I offer you the poetry of Donald Rumsfeld as evidence of this.

But, if you would like further evidence, consider this exchange from the ABC interview with Diane Sawyer:

D.S.
"But let me try to ask...Vice President Cheney said there is no doubt, Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction... But stated as a hard fact, that there were weapons of mass destruction as opposed to the possibility that he could move to acquire those weapons..."

G.W.B.
"So what's the difference?"

Tell me, how could it be possible to satirize a man who doesn't believe there is a substantive difference between something that exists in fact and something that could potentially exist in the future.

I could, potentially, be a woman.
But I am not.
I think those two conditions are significantly different. But, maybe I'm wrong.

Also, there is some speculation that Saddam Hussein was not hiding when he was captured, but actually being held prisoner in exchange for the $25m. reward.

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Scrooged

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Please don't feel left out if you find that you have not made my Christmas card list this year. I don't have a Christmas card list. I don't even have Christmas cards. I have come to the realization that what Christmas means to me, alpha charlie bravo, 4th grade, is the imposition of a series of unwanted obligations which, like all obligations, are to be carefully avoided.

Today is December 19th and I have accomplished no holiday related tasks.
I have done no shopping, no decorating, no holiday greeting or holiday themed cooking, no mix cd of holiday MP3's; and I have yet to develop any significant interest in these activities. I may very well find myself on Christmas Eve scavenging for gifts and not being able to acquire what I really wanted to give because I have not taken full advantage of the market and technology.

Well, perhaps it is not too late for me to change my ways. Maybe I'll open my window and toss a few shillings to a boy passing by on the street and ask him to bring back a Christmas goose.

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Catch-22

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I suspect that if you turned on Fox news at the right moment yesterday, you would have seen some conservative pundit doing his best imitation of Kadeem Hardison's victory celebration in the movie "White Men Can't Jump," cabbage-patching vigorously while exclaiming "We're goin' to Sizzler, we're goin' to Sizzler!"

I guess Saddam Hussein is not a vain man. But, if you had spent the last eight months alternating postures between cab driver and frightened rabbit, you would look like Ted Kaczynski too.

It's too bad that he can't be brought before the International Criminal Court to face justice since the U.S. is opposed to it. But, still I'm looking forward to the information that will come out of the interrogations. For instance, did Saddam Hussein and Michael Jackson use the same interior decorator? Finally, we may be able to learn the truth.

However, that may take a while. It's been two years since the height of fighting in Afghanistan and those prisoners are still being interrogated in Guantanamo. There must be quite an interrogatory waiting list, but I'm sure some strings can be pulled.

Well, that was a nice diversion. Does this mean the war is over again?

Captured! Can you believe it? ...A feather in the cap of El Arbustito. Now let me ask you, if you were the man most wanted by the most powerful nation in the history of human civilization, would you be hangin' around in your old home town in a house with a little tunnel out back that leads nowhere? Well, I guess it worked for a while.

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Tengo Frio

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Well, it's legitimately cold isn't it? Perhaps it's time to make the switch to the winter coat.

I want an iPod for Christmas and I just may acquire one for myself. But, I haven't done any of my shopping yet.

Is it a common practice for people to use the holidays as a pretense for getting themselves something they want?

What will you get yourself for this year?

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Menace II Society

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I made a stop at The Crack House on Saturday and now I'm strung out.
I thought crack wrapped in a burrito was hard core, but crack in bowl? Terroristic.

I Saw:
"The Dead" on Thursday,
the movie "Elf" on Saturday afternoon,
Rufus Wainwright in concert Saturday night.

I would tell you more about it, but if I don't get to sleep soon I won't make it through the week--especially with my withdrawl symptoms.

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Want One

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Ok, so this was a gimmicky radio show topic and I expect it will serve well as a gimmicky blog topic:

What are your favorite album opening tracks?
You know, when you put the cd in for the first time or the fiftieth time, and the first song blows you away. It has to be track one. Intros that occupy the first track disqualify the song that proceed them.

Here are some of mine in no order whatsoever:

• Once
  Pearl Jam - Ten


• That's When I Reach For My Revolver
  Mission of Burma - Signals, Calls and Marches


• Wouldn't It Be Nice
  The Beach Boys - Pet Sounds


• Blue
  The Jayhawks - Tomorrow The Green Grass


• Divine Intervention
  Matthew Sweet - Girlfriend


• Sweet is the Melody
  Iris Dement - My Life

Is that too many? You can come up with one or two of your own, can't you? What a silly exercise. Hey, it's the weekend.

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Fences

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You may have noticed that I invoked the hallowed (or is it hollow, or is it Hollywood) spirit of Ronald Reagan in my little invocation to Ariel Sharon. Well, let's discuss why.

You'll remember that during the baseball season the White Sox had some incidents with rowdy fans running onto the field, attacking umpires, coaches, players, whomever. A radio personality jokingly suggested that roadblocks be set up to prevent fans from certain areas, such as the southwest suburbs, from coming into the city to attend Sox games.

Let's say that such a plan is implemented, but there are still fans who show up at the park and run on the field, etc. So, Mayor Daley, in all his eloquent wisdom, decides to build a fence around the city to make it more "secure."

The ostensible purpose of the fence is to keep rowdy fans out of the city by forcing everyone from the suburbs to enter the city only through a handful of heavily guarded roads. (For example, closing the Stevenson except for one or two exits, closing 294 to keep people from sneaking in through the far South Side).

People living in North Shore areas start to complain about potentially being cut off from the city where they work, shop, send their kids to school and go to the doctor. So the Mayor extends the fence to include parts of the North Shore (effectively annexing Winnetka and Kenilworth and expanding Chicago's border) while cutting off Bolingbrook, Alsip, etc.

What would happen to those suburbs cut off from the city? What would happen to the people there?
This is a lot like what's happening in Israel.

From: Ha'aretz
Jerusalem's Borders are Being Redrawn

"The [separation] fence will completely change the lives of
more than 100,000 people who live in northeast
Jerusalem.

The fence planners invested a lot of thought and
creativity into drawing a winding line for the
fence that has no urban logic, cutting off the
Arab neighborhoods and the refugee camps from
the center of their lives in Jerusalem.

In effect, the city's municipal boundaries will
change because of the fence..."

If Ronald Reagan were alive today, would he say to Ariel Sharon what he once said to Mikhail Gorbachev?

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Dubliners

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My present sentiments reside thoroughly in the category of wanting to see live theater (That's an odd sentence, isn't it?), which I have not done in a considerable length of time. But, my opportunities to do so are narrow. I would like to seeJames Joyce's The Dead at The Court Theater and I would prefer to try to see it on a weekday, which leaves only this very week as a viable possibility.

Accordingly, I am extending to anyone in view of my hypertext an invitation to join me on Thursday night at The Court Theater for a performance of The Dead. If it is the case that you, the community, wish to attend but would prefer a Saturday or Sunday, I may alter my intentions, but for the moment I will pursue my theatrical caprices. Comment or email or both.

In other news, I hadn't realized how wonderful it would be to have a significant portion of my CD collection in my iTunes library. I had only converted a handful of albums until this weekend when I finally endeavored to archive about 15-20 more. It's so exciting to hear the player go from Radiohead to Prince to Iris Dement to Outkast.

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Proslogion

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Ok, so I lied. I actually spent Thanksgiving in Baghdad with the troops.
I caught up on some news last week and there's a lot to say. Far more in fact than is contained in this rambling polemical post.

Hey, how can November be the "bloodiest" period in the war when the war's been over for six months? I suppose we can create a timeline of the war and its subsequent occupation around key Presidential photo ops: Landing on an aircraft carrier to announce that major combat operations are over, Secretly flying into Baghdad to reassure everyone that it ain't over till its over.

I like how all of the administration's arguments justifying the war since its "conclusion" are ontological. This is what I call the Bush Prosologion. The Bush team regularly employs two argumentative strategies with great success:

One is the fait accompli: the Bush presidency? Inevitable. The War with Iraq? Inevitable. Tax Cuts? Inevitable.

The other is ontology: The fact that terrorism exists justifies going to war. The character, causes, sources of this terrorism are irrelevant. The fact that Iraq has a dangerous and threatening climate today justifies the actions of yesterday.

It's an outstanding argumentative trick because the logical flaws are in the presuppositions, not in the argument itself where people know to look for them. And what would you do about it anyway? Roll back the treads of time? Drop everything and leave the project incomplete and the country in chaos?

A lot of people have been stumbling on acb with the google search: chomsky charlie rose which are words that have never before appeared here together. But, I may have found what they came for, so I linked it to the left.

And finally, I leave you with this quote from a column in Ha'aretz about Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon:

"For Sharon religion is simple: Bush is God and Condoleeza Rice is his prophet."

Yes, I'm sure we all feel that way.