I need your help.
Here is a punchline:
"If you believe that, Ahmad Chalabi is on the phone and he has a war plan he wants to sell you."
I need help coming up with the set-up to make that a complete joke.
And also:
Please people, don't blame the Jews
I'm surprised that everyone came out unequivocally against torture. I had expected a little more nuance.
For the record:
Torture is illegal and is at least for that reason unacceptable. Allowing it under any circumstance or program or status configuration destroys any moral framework that would condemn torture, making any prohibition against the practice useless.
An interview with Colin Powell would be well worth watching if he had anythng worthwhile to say, which, since he does not seem to be involved in shaping policy, he does not. So that lovely palm tree will do nicely, thank you Emily.
A Kerry/McCain ticket would work for me. Kerry/Anybody Else maybe not so much. Although, since it's been mentioned, McCain/Kerry might be better. A crossover ticket might be able to overcome some of this partisan polarization that makes it nearly impossible to even have a rational political discourse in this country--except, of course, here.
I have more, but I don't want to give you too much to read. After all, I have a lovely sardonic post about Fox's The Swan down there, which no one seems to have noticed. Or, perhaps you were too busy engaging in rational political discourse: "torture bad, tree good."
And now, as always, I leave you with a gruesome image:
Hey cheer up guy, at least you weren't killed in Saddam Hussein's Iraq. You're free now!
I'm back bitches.
Ok I have some questions for you. If you do not answer them I may have to resort to harsh measures: 
Alright. First of all, what is your position on torture?
I saw Alan Dershowitz (the clown in a lawyer suit) on Nightline last week and his position seemed to be that violating the Geneva conventions is, at least under some circumstances, acceptable as long as it receives authorization from the highest levels of government, which if Seymour Hersh is correct the activities at Abu Ghraib did. So, in your view is torture, or the kind of treatment reported at Abu Graib and elsewhere, acceptable under some circumstances and if so, what are the circumstances?
Secondly, which is more interesting: an interview with Colin Powell or an image of a lovely Jordanian palm tree.
Finally, would you consider voting for a John Kerry/John McCain ticket? Would having John McCain as a running mate increase, decrease or not affect the likelihood of you voting John Kerry for President?
Discuss.
I'll get back to you later on these issues.
Well ok, I figured that with all the free time I would have with a week off from work, there would be no limit to the number of things I would be able to accomplish: those things which I had deferred until just such a time when I would be free of occupational burdens. But, as it turns out I'm universally lazy.
In theory, the way my mind is designed to operate, the more free time I have the less likely I am to get something done. Conversely, the less free time I have, the more likely I should be to get things done. Except, I can always blame a shortage of accomplishments on a shortage of time. Nevertheless, a week without work and with an appropriate number of naps is refreshing. (Apparently I didn't know this.)
On Thursday, for example I saw some of the Lakers/Spurs playoff game including the unlikely ending. Ordinarily I wouldn't give a damn, but the second and third quarters made a good background for a short evening nap. Yet, I was cogent enough to observe that whatever the hell rule gave the Lakers the ball across half court after a timeout with 0.4 of a second left is a stupid rule. They should at least have to inbound the ball first. (Actually, I thought that was the rule, but perhaps not.)
On Tuesday, I went to the Sox game. It did not rain, my hair did not get wet and the Sox won 15-0. While exploring the concourse I observed a tall intoxicated man arguing with a woman. Two innings later I saw this same man being escorted out after an altercation with another man. I should attend more games. (Whoa, non-sequitor.) I forget how nice it is to be around the park when the weather's nice and the team isn't terrible.
On Monday, I had the unfortunate privilege of watching some of Fox's The Swan which is the subject of the next post.
Yes, the show that takes ugly women and transforms them into sideshow freaks. After the transformation, some of those women look ok; pretty good even. But Good Lord, they're going to fall apart in five years.
It's inconceivable to me that anyone would choose to undergo so many procedures, endure the physical pain and unknown consequences for a chance, just a chance to compete in a phony pageant put on by Fox! The network could just as easily round up 12 women, give them haircuts and have them parade around the stage and crown one of them least aesthetically challenged. But, I suppose that would not quite rise to the level of shameful degradation of humanity that Fox is looking for.
I checked out The Swan website and its message board. The board is flooded with people who want to become contestants. One woman, apparently not quite understanding the concept of a public message board, posted her name, age, address, home phone number and wireless phone number in her attempt to attract the attention of the show's cult leaders. So, if you want to prank her I've got her number.
These people really expect to be made whole from the outside. What if they're right? What if we live in a world that is so shallow that people with profound problems can be made whole from the outside?
And speaking of vanity I wore my hair in braids all week and felt quite good about it so it is clear that I don't need a haircut: I need a new job.
And also I had mentioned that I had officially lost interest in my Yahoo! Sports fantasy baseball team; well I got an email with a trade proposal today. So I was just going to accept it because afterall, I don't really need any of my players anymore. I go into the league page and discover that in spite of the fact that I gave up on this activity weeks ago, I am somehow in second place; And that trade was good for me, so now my team is even stronger. Ok, I'm back in. Bitches.
Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb?
Mother, do you think they'll like this song?
Oooooh ah,
Mother, should I build a wall?
Mother, should I run for president?
Mother, should I trust the government?
Mother, will they put me in the firing line?
Ooooooh ah,
Is it just a waste of time?
Today is the last day I will have to go to work until May 17; 9 work free days. I'm trying to plan out some activities for myself while still making time for naps. It's not such an easy task.
Furthermore, should I cut my hair? My annoyance with my day to day puffiness is increasing. Although I feel the braids have not yet reached their full aesthetic potential and still have work to do in the world, the fact that I spend the vast majority of my days without them calls into question the practicality of my follicle volume.
