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Tomorrow Never Knows

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I need shoelaces.
As a matter of fact, I need shoes.


I woke up this morining with the whole-hearted belief that today is Saturday. I began to mentally plan my day and I was feeling good about the world. Believing that it is Saturday, I attempted to recall what had transpired the day before (Friday), but I was unable to remember anything about it. Slowly, I realized that I didn't remember Friday because I had not yet experienced Friday. What an intolerable cruelty this is.

Maybe I should just carry on as if today were actually Saturday.

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Hotel Illness

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I don't take drugs.
Whenever I get sick, which is maybe once a year, I don't indulge in Nyquill induced slumber, or take other remedies to alleviate my symptoms. I consume copious amounts of tea, as I do normally anyway, and I trudge on. I was thinking of this tonight as I was driving home from work and for a moment considered the acquisition of that magical green syrup in order to facillitate a full night's sleep.

After I compose this message I will drift off to sleep only to wake abruptly at 5 or 6 am feeling miserable. This is how it's been for the last couple of days. Of course, I feel worse at the periphery of the day, which is, I believe, a common experience.

But, my condition fluctuates so strangely. Here's how I felt yesterday:

6:00 am: (suddenly awake) Miserable
10:00 am: (arrive at Gig 1) Murky yet Vibrant
12:00 pm: (still at Gig 1) Cold and Miserable
3:30 pm: (arrive at Gig 2) Not bad
4:00 pm: (pre-work meeting) "I can't do this"
5:00 pm: (in the mix, Gig 2) "Hey, never felt better!"
10:00 pm: (post-work meeting) "Hmm, I've got sniffles."
10:30 pm: (in the parking lot) "My God, I need drugs!"

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Too Sick To Pray

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Wesley Clark has won the New Hampshire primary. Well, in one town anyway. He received 8 out of 15 votes. Congratulations, Mr. Vice Presidential nominee.

How sick do you have to be to stay home from work? I made a last minute decision in that direction just as I was beginning to not feel entirely terrible. I'm taking the gamble that today is the peak of my illness and accordingly I should convalesce (for a few hours) to encourage my improvement. But if I'm wrong and I'm worse tomorrow, that will be a problem.

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The Secret of My Success

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Get Money Fast! 6 Easy Steps!
It Really Works!

1. Work two jobs.


2. Utilize "direct deposit" for the higher paying of the two, but rely on "live" checks for the other.


3. Neglect to pick-up a check from the 2nd job for at least a month.


4. Suddenly remember you have a paycheck outstanding.


5. Discover in fact that you had two outstanding checks.


6. Enjoy your new financial windfall.

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New Favorite

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Perhaps I had been somewhat avoiding it, but I've only just now accessed the iTunes Music Store.

I bought two songs:

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World"
performed by: Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

and

"Bears" by Lyle Lovett

I also bought two albums:

"Stop Making Sense (Special Edition)" - Talking Heads
"Exile in Guyville" - Liz Phair

I had not heard "Exile in Guyville" since I was in High School, but it's still a very good record, exceptional even. The project of making Liz Phair over to be more like Avril Lavigne, or someone of that ilk, seems even more bizarre to me now because I had forgotten how interesting her song writing used to be.

What I was really looking for was the song "Babe, I'm On Fire" by Nick Cave. The iTunes store had every song on that album, Nocturama, but would not sell the one I wanted individually. I would have had to buy the entire album to get the one song, which is what I was trying to avoid by going online in the first place. And yet, I continued to browse...

Well, my unofficial second favorite band in the world is on Soundstage tonight at 9 on Channel 11. The show is shot in HD and it looks great, (yes, even on a CRT television) not to mention the great music by a truly great band. Of course, I'll be at work so I won't be able to watch it. Today would be a good day to have TiVo.

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Hail to the Thief

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Here are some highlights from the President's address last night.

"We can go forward with confidence and resolve, or we can turn back to the dangerous illusion that terrorists are not plotting and outlaw regimes are no threat to us"

Which will you choose? Dangerous illusion or paranoid delusion?

"Twenty-eight months have passed... over two years without an attack on American soil."

I think FDR said the same thing in his 1943 address.

"It is tempting to believe that the danger is behind us. That hope is understandable, comforting -- and false."

Hope. So comforting, and yet so false.

"The work of building a new Iraq is hard, and it is right."

Yeah, you're right it is hard.

"Last month, the leader of Libya voluntarily pledged to disclose and dismantle all of his regime's weapons of mass destruction programs."

Article: "Libya Disposes of Phantom Arsenal"
Actually if that article is correct, Libya's arsenal is no more phantom than Iraq's, so I guess it counts.

"I know that some people question if America is really in a war at all. They view terrorism more as a crime, a problem to be solved mainly with law enforcement and indictments."

Hey, he's talking about me! Hi Mr. President!
Terrorism is a concept, an activity or tactic really. I didn't think you could drop bombs on concepts, but hey, GW has proved me wrong.

"Let us be candid about the consequences of leaving Saddam Hussein in power... Already, the Kay Report identified dozens of weapons of mass destruction-related program activities..."

Already?

Here I think the syntax speaks for itself: "weapons of mass destruction-related program activities..."
Qualifiers anyone?

"Some critics have said our duties in Iraq must be internationalized. This particular criticism is hard to explain to our partners in Britain, Australia, Japan, South Korea, the Philippines, Thailand, Italy, Spain, Poland, Denmark, Hungary, Bulgaria, Ukraine, Romania, the Netherlands -- (applause) -- Norway, El Salvador"

Let's break this down:

Australia and Japan are providing troops on the ground.

The Phillipines have donated hundreds of Imelda Marcos' old shoes.

Thailand has provided delicious exotic spices.

Poland has troops on the ground.

Hungary, Bulgaria and Romania just like having their names mentioned.

Alright, that's enough. Here are some stats:

The words "September 11th" appear 3 times in the address.
"Terrorist or Terrorists" 13 times.
"America or American(s)" 65 times.

In the 2003 Address:
"September 11th" 3 times.
"Terrorist or Terrorists" 13 times.
"America or American(s) 58 times.

By comparing these numbers I have concluded that we are no more secure than a year ago, but somehow we are more American.

God bless America.

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Electioneering

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Is Howard Dean an underdog again? Because if so, I'm back on the bandwagon. He peaked too soon, but still it's time to re-evaluate the campaign strategy. I refuse to vote for anyone that does not plan to repeal the Bush tax cuts. The deficit is the greatest threat to our country.


I think the Chicago Sun-Times was acquired by the brothers from the movie "Trading Places," but I'm not sure.

I'm confused:

"f that deal goes through as planned, the Barclay brothers would wind up with ownership of Hollinger Inc., the Canadian company that, through super-majority voting rights, had control of Hollinger International, the American company that owns The Daily Telegraph of London, as well as The Chicago Sun-Times and The Jerusalem Post.

The deal calls for the Barclays to pay the equivalent of $326 million to buy the controlling stake in Hollinger Inc. held by the Ravelston Corporation, a holding company and to buy the public shares of the Canadian company."

I need a flow chart.

I'm looking forward to the State of the Union address, aren't you? It's always a fun time.

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Traveling Miles

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"Do we really want to go to Mars?" Cassandra Wilson asks in her song Right Here, Right Now, "Do we really want to try?"

You know how in science fiction when aliens come to earth they only want one of two things? They either want to share their knowledge and superior technology with us in the benevolent spirit of universal fraternity, or they want to conquer the planet and harvest its natural resources.

The verse continues, "I've got a feeling if we get up there, gonna stop and wonder why."

Western civilization has made it a matter of course to conquer "New Worlds" and exploit whatever resources are found there. Columbus and his successors were not simply adventurous explorers; they were conquerors and that spirit of conquest remains very much with us today.

Is it simply our goal to explore space? To discover whatever can be learned about our fascinating celestial neighbors and then leave them simply to twirl in their orbits? Or will we seek in them some utility that serves our own purposes? If there is life in the universe it is likely we are very far from encountering it, but perhaps we will be or have already become that highly advanced civilization of invaders seeking new worlds to conquer.

"Don't you want to be right here, right now?" the chorus asks.

Besides, what better place is there for a human being than on earth? That's not to say we shouldn't pursue exploration for the sake of discovery and knowledge, but the suggestion that any humans should one day take up residence beyond our sphere I find to be... well, disappointing.

We have an ailing planet and a suffering population. Our problems are however, not beyond repair. With genuine and collective action we could begin to fix some of the probems that confront us. And we must, because they are ultimately inescapable. Whatever social dysfunctions plague us now on earth will follow us into the future here or anywhere we may venture.

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The Third Man

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So what ever happened to the mystery head coaching candidate that Jerry Angelo was "mulling over" yesterday? Was he trying to wait until advances in medical science would make it possible to re-animate George Halas? But then George Halas would certainly want to have some control over personnel and his assistant coaches, so that couldn't have been the plan.

Candidate A: Russ Grimm

Q: "What is your offensive philosophy?"
A: "My philosophy, without going into a lot of detail, is we're going to run and we're going to pass."

Really?

Candidate B: Lovie Smith

Q: "What, besides your experience, would you bring to the position of head coach?"
A: "Um... well, I'd have to say my experience."

Okay...

Hey well you gotta have somebody as coach right? I mean, it's like having a third string quarterback; somebody has to stand around holding a clipboard and wearing a headset, right?

Ya.
Go, Bears.

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The Battle of Brazil

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For some reason, over the weekend I found myself looking at the message boards on imdb. I was looking at the board for the movie Brazil, which I think is a challenging film. I also looked at the boards of some of other favorites of mine that I think are difficult films: Fellini's 8 1/2 and Kurasawa's Ran.

A common denominator on these message boards is that someone always starts a thread to say that they hated the movie and that it was boring. This poster is then attacked for being stupid and not "getting it." The movie's defenders are then called pretentious; and this discourse goes on apparently for several weeks.

Clearly, these accusations are oversimplified. I think whether or not you like a movie like Brazil may depend significantly on your political point of view and your sense of humor.

Nevertheless, it's a bit surprising isn't it, when someone dislikes a movie you hold in high regard. I once showed "Monty Python's Holy Grail" to someone who had never seen it and her response was "I thought you said this was supposed to be funny." I was astonished.

Is there any movie you like that everyone else you know hates?

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The Fog of War

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I might watch 60 minutes tonight to see the Paul O'Neill interview wherein he seems to be remaking himself as something of a white knight.

I don't think that is the case with this "interview" which looks like it will be quite interesting.

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Black Math

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Uh, oh.

"WASHINGTON, Jan. 7 - With its rising budget deficit and ballooning trade imbalance, the United States is running up a foreign debt of such record-breaking proportions that it threatens the financial stability of the global economy, according to a report released Wednesday by the International Monetary Fund."

Go, America.

I had a quasi-funny thing I was going to write, but I couldn't get it to be concise and make sense, so to hell with it.

I have just downloaded The Beatles entire "Revolver" album.
Yes. Yes I have.

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In the Aeroplane over the Sea

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I have baked a pan of homemade holiday butter cookies and I am eating them... the whole pan. Robert Atkins is spinning in his meaty grave.

On Sunday night, through the iTunes internet radio stream, I for no reason that I can fathom, listened to World Soccer Weekly. I'm really not much of a soccer fan. I love the World Cup, but that's only once every four years. I'm aware of MLS, but I don't follow it or any other league. So I have no reason to listen to such a broadcast besides boredom and technophilia. However, I thoroughly enjoyed it, even though I didn't understand half of what they were talking about. Actually, it was kind of like listening to The Fourth Period Radio Show.
Anyway, today at work I found myself engaged in a lengthy discussion about soccer with a fan of the sport. I don't know what is happening to me, but I'm frightened.

Speaking of frightened, you should be if you find yourself on an airline flight that has, for security reasons, attracted a fighter jet "escort." If you look out the window and see an F-16 off the wing, know that it is not there for your plane's protection.

So who do you think will win the English Premiership? Manchester United? Chelsea?
I don't know what any of that means! And I have no idea what a "meaty grave" is.

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Prêt-á-Porter

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Yes well, Happy New Year and so forth.

There are three important pieces of information I want to share with you:

1. Anyone who dismisses polyester out of hand doesn't know what he/she is talking about. Polyester in the right quantity, on the right garment is a wonderful thing.


2. iPods do not like sitting in a car for six hours when it is 5 degrees outside. (When did it suddenly become winter? Wasn't it 50 degrees last week? Oh well, let's go play in the snow!)


3. Pakistan is our friend. Yes, our friend. And anyone who tells you differently is either a terrorist or Pakistani.
   Go, Pakistan.

I was in Marshall Field's this weekend and I noticed a lovely shirt hanging on a rack. I approached it, thinking that I might be inclined to acquire this object due to its irresistible aesthetic appeal.

I observed that it was made by Dolce & Gabbana. Well, let's have a look at the price tag, shall we... No! Oh my God, no! Avert your eyes children! Avert your eyes!

Now, keep in mind, this is just a shirt. It doesn't have microchips embedded in the fibers, nor does it generate its own electricity. It's a shirt: $335.00.

Now, let us suppose that I were a rich man. I might see a shirt that I covet, notice that it costs $335.00, and think "What the hell. My financial opulence is without boundaries, I'll buy it."
I suspect that I would come to feel that paying such a price is so unreasonable, regardless of the circumstance, that the fact that I had done so would be an indictment against me.

But a jury of my wealthy peers would never convict me.