During the course of my work day, I noticed a stain on the leg of my pants and I couldn't imagine how it had gotten there. I didn't give it any more thought at the time since there wasn't really anything I could do about it anyway. A little later I caught a glimpse of the stain in the light and saw that it was red. I rolled up my pants leg. I had a cut below my kneecap and the blood had soaked through my pants.
Now, I'm not nature's most graceful beast, but nevertheless, I don't think a man of my intellect should be subjected to such hazards when so little is at stake.

So, for those of you who may, from time to time, find yourselves on the business end of my employer's stick, know that I have, on numerous occasions, shed my blood for you. And know also, that those in my charge have endeavored far more fervently, in fact, than I to accomplish the sometimes impossible tasks set before them.

Oh, I almost forgot. You owe Andrei Codrescu money.