I never really intend to, but I always seem to watch the Academy Awards. I did so tonight between watching The Simpsons and ordering a pizza. So, I thought I would give out a few awards of my own:

Drunkest Presenter: Harrison Ford

Cameron Diaz may have found herself unable to say the word cinematography, but Harrison Ford looked like he was about to regurgitate the buffet at the podium.

Lamest Presenter: Jerry Seinfeld

Every time an animated character presents an award the result is unequivocally lame. This was no exception. However, after hearing Jerry Seinfeld talk about how he poured three years of his life into "Bee Movie," watching the unfunny, uninteresting object of that grand futile effort was particularly wretched.

Presenter I Had Never Heard Of: Amy Adams

I missed her introduction to the podium, so I spent most of the time the award for Original Score was being presented trying to figure out who was at the podium. Once I did, I realized I hadn't heard of her. She's been in ten movies since 2005 and I've never seen any of them.

Worst Tattoo: Diablo Cody

Maybe there were worse tattoos, but thankfully they were not visible. According to this, Diablo Cody's tattoo has been altered recently. Who the hell wants to be called "Diablo," anyway?

Worst Award Recipient Demeanor: Joel Cohen and Ethan Cohen

I missed the award for Best Adapted Screenplay. Maybe they were excited for that one. But, by the time the award for Best Director was announced, they seemed disinterested.