I have recently concluded that there may be a hidden benefit to being in the company of a vegetarian. Suppose, heaven forbid, you and your company find yourself in a situation not entirely unlike that of the Donner Party. Having vegetarians among your group simplifies the potentially tortuous decision of whom to cannibalize first. (But only as a last resort, of course.) Finding yourselves already unable to subsist on the land, the vegetarian has no dietary options. Further, someone who refuses, on whatever grounds, to eat beef is an unlikely candidate to partake in the consumption of human flesh. In all likelihood, weak from a lack of protein, the vegetarian will collapse on his own saving you the trouble of a gruesome and evil murder.
So do not shun the vegetarian. Keep him close. He may one day be your only salvation.

All right kids, it's time to get back to work.
Many of you are familiar with Goodreads. Well, recently I was notified by email that someone named John had sent me a message via Goodreads. I figured it was probably an administrator notice, but I clicked through anyway. It was from an instructor I had at NU.
It read:

"It's John [surname redacted], as you see, & I was gratified to discover your kind words about my [title redacted], here on Goodreads. I believe I remember who you are -- you stood out, really -- & I'd be happy to add you as a friend."

I didn't remember writing any book reviews on Goodreads, so I searched for the title in question to see what I had actually written. Here's what I wrote and what appears as the only review of this book on the Goodreads site:

"In his brief time as an Associate Professor at Northwestern University, John [surname redacted] had the pleasure of having me as a student in his fiction writing class."

Wow.
I'm a pompous ass.

And now, more selections from acb a cappella, in stores never.
Dust on the Window by Low (with a bad audio loop),
Lonesome Tears by Beck (with lots of overmodulation and bad harmonies--yum!),
The Kiss by Judee Sill (with unintelligible lyrics).